unmarked graves where flowers grow

2011-12-11T18:13:00.003-06:00

Working on a Jonah birthday post, promise! I cannot believe my baby turned TWO yesterday. Wowee.

We had a small party for him - most people couldn't make it last minute, but it was still an enjoyable time filled with (an appropraite amount of :) presents, banana cupcakes, the sounds of children laughing and harmonicas... good times.

2011-12-01T10:31:00.000-06:00

florence and the machine

2011-11-30T13:24:00.002-06:00

tears. beauty.

2011-11-30T00:25:00.001-06:00

2011-11-29T14:59:00.003-06:00

I have absolutely no idea what to write.

There. I said it.

Lordy knows I have plenty to write about, but there is little relevance for you, my dear readers. And little coherency in my brain.

As a matter of fact, I'm fairly certain those last sentences may or may not make sense.

My life is just me, running from cleaning houses in the morn to Panera in the afternoon and evening on a Saturday. It's me, doing the mommy thing (reading to my babies, laundering mountains upon mountains of clothes, kissing ouchies, making food, cuddling). It's me, going to bed at midnight and waking up at 5, just because the house is continually creaking with its to-dos. It's me, not showering for two days in a row (more or less). It's all very un-glamorous, but hey, life isn't about glamor. It's about seasons that expand, mature, weed out, test... And this is one such season. A season of slapping high-five to my husband as he comes home and I go.

Blech.

I wish real life had spring break :) Or that banks would forgive debt like God did (and does). How much purer this life could be if everyone just extended grace and understanding to everyone, hm?

my SECOND first official night at panera

2011-10-28T21:19:00.012-05:00

In lieu of, you know, not having money, Jonathan had applied for a second job at a local Blockbuster. Long story short: after a rigorous FIVE WEEK LONG interview (no joke) he was *finally* hired......... for minimum wage.

A 26 year old.... college graduate..... minimum wage..... Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Totally NOT wanting to sound snotty in an economy where people are jumping through bigger hoops for pay such as this, but HELLOOOO. Working for that little for as many hours as he would be every week would not even make up our monthly deficit, and would just end up stressin' the McCrackin' out of my sweet hubs. So, no. It was not good.

So. Jonathan got off the phone, told me this tidbit of sunshine, and I said, "Hells no! You're going to drive me around town, and I am going to talk to managers and I'm going to get a job TODAY, dammit!" I actually didn't say it this crassly, but I sure as hell and brimstone felt like it.

As if I could not drive myself, my loving husband toted me about Pewaukee. First I walked into Starbucks, which is practically right next to our apartment. The awesome barista with some schweet dreadlocks said that they weren't hiring, and that I wouldn't want to work there anyway because the pay was crap and the hours were, too. Bummer. But then, in a moment of distraction, we went on to have a wonderful conversation (over a pumpkin spice latte) about her dreadlocks. Her insight into one of the most beautiful hair styles EVER and my yummy latte were worth the 'not hiring' verdict.

After I pulled myself away from the magnanimous dreadlocked coffee lady, Jonathan and I drove over to Costco. They weren't open. Drat.

Finally, we drove to Panera.

Now see, I worked for a Panera back in the day (um, 2 1/2 years ago) when we lived in Grand Rapids. It was great. The people were amazing. The customers were sweet and generous and grace-filled (for the most part). I've always loved Panera's bread... and paninis.... and coffee.... and everything else. I've never minded polo shirts or aprons. And, I had left the G-Rap Panera on such good terms (and with an associate trainer status, no less) that I thought, geesh! I'll be a shoe-in!

And you know what? God be praised, I was.

I asked to speak with a manager and was introduced to Steve. When he found out I had been an associate trainer, his mouth basically dropped to the floor and his eyes lit up like a cinnamon crunch bagel catching ablaze in the toaster. He asked to interview me, right then and there, and hired me shortly thereafter.

And for more than minimum wage. Awesome sauce.

Jonathan was so relived. I, too, was relieved, and excited about working again (especially with flexible hours that would enable me to still clean Mija's house on Saturdays, and be with my boys throughout the day - M-F 5:30-9, Sat. 2:30-9).

All that said, here I am. Sitting on the couch after my first official day "back on the job." Everyone I worked with was friendly and helpful. I didn't work a really long shift, so I feel like it is totally doable, as far a stress is concerned. I don't have to take any work home, or agonize about this and that. It's bagels, for Pete's sake. It was like riding a bike, though there are a ton of new products I have to learn about... and taste test, you know.

So much Wii Fit.

one piece of my/ His art

2011-10-26T12:47:00.002-05:00

My friend Caitlin turned me onto painting Scripture verses on canvas. It's pretty much awesome.

Above, is a slight adaptation of Colossians 3:15a. It will serve as a Blessing to people as they enter our home, and then again as they leave. I wanted to put it above our doorway, but it looked super-bulky. It will go on our bookshelf... as soon as we can afford a good bookshelf :)

I had acquired this pretty-colored, but run-of-the-mill, piece of wall art and never knew what to do with it. Until now. I took the art, some Helvetica printed bold letter stickers, and some white paint, and BAM - something cool, right?!

Also up the drainpipe, I have three horizontally placed canvases, painted in a creamy latte color, ready to receive Romans 12:12 on them (rejoice in hope, constant in prayer, patient in tribulation). Those canvases will go on our dining room wall.

Then I have two more canvases, one painted fiery orange and the other cerulean, for the boy's life verses.

I am a painting machine!

The painting alone is such a good outlet for stress, and at the same time I am hiding God's word in my heart. 1, 2 PUNCH.

one more thing...

2011-10-26T09:42:00.005-05:00

Jonah has been coloring up a storm lately, which makes me SO happy. It was always a question with the therapists - Is he holding crayons yet?? Is he coloring at all? Is he showing any interest in coloring....???

And I continually worried because the answer to those questions was always, hmmm, um, sorta... not really.

But, praise to the Lord, Jonah's hit a coloring stride that I am over-joyful about. He loves coloring books or just plain old paper. His main heartthrob, however, is the wooden easel and chalk board. The dude just adores chalk. You can always tell he's been hard at work when there are rings of dusty blue, red, or green around his cheeks and his hands.

This morning, he was coloring with pencils. With each stroke, he paused and wanted me to praise him. If I didn't recognize his artistic genius immediately, he would scream. That was kinda ridiculous... but wonderful at the same time. I'm glad he's becoming that passionate about something (other than breastfeeding, of course :)

Getting pumped up! He looooves his easel!

Big, swoopy lines.

Time to start afresh....

My favorite part is when he erases it all and begins again. What determination!

quick update on life in wisconi

2011-10-25T23:21:00.004-05:00

1. I just joined Pinterest. I have no idea what the hub-bub is about... and I THRIVE on visual. Could someone please explain the appeal to me?

2. Jonathan and I just started doing Wii Fit, in earnest. I'm going to be svelte in no time, you can bet your bottom dollar.

3. Tomorrow is my first chiropractic visit in the past 20 years. My parents took me all the time when I was young, because I would have such terrible asthmatic episodes. The chiropractor helped a ton, and now, sporting my post baby bod, I'm sure he'll be able to help some more. I have to get my body realigned something fierce, a thought that flowed through my groggy brain as two little boys (who shall remain nameless) jumped all over me this afternoon...

4. So. I am working at Panera! And nannying a couple days a week! And cleaning Mija's more often! And still selling Mary Kay and Young Living Essential Oils! And.... Actually, despite the upswing in busyness, I feel very sane, very peaceful. The house is in a bit of disaray and my children might starve from time to time (kidding) but all in all, I am thankful for the opportunities to work and help supplement income. We might actually survive.... :) Praise the heavens!

5. Elijah is getting BIG. Like, I looked at him today and had to do a double-take. He talks. A lot. He eats. A lot. This kid has more energy than anyone else I know. He is crazy-artistic, coloring in the lines, creating with clay and blocks, imagining all sorts of Dr. Seuss-ish type stuff. Today, he told me: "I wanna omblet for breakfast, with poorple peppahs." I just about hopped into the car to get some purple peppers, I tell ya. Cute.

6. Likewise, Jonah is growing, sprout-style. He still uses crawling as his primary mode of transportation, but cruising more than ever. He "reads" avidly. He is intensely aware of his surroundings. He is able to point out body parts, and recognize animals and their sounds (for the most part :). Oh, my little spud! I looooove you so.

7. I have been painting and crafting a ton lately. Will post pictures soon - what a wonderful outlet *that* has been for me in moments of stress.

8. Jonathan is the love of my life. He's making me laugh right now with his silly antics. That's my lover - always bringing a smile to my lips, a warmth to my soul.

9. Speaking of smiles - We had friends over for dinner the other night. After we had eaten, the mother stepped into the hallway to change her baby's diaper, and Elijah noticed. He walked over, leaned over, and stated, "Ah, she's a girl, so she doesn't have a penis. But I DO have a penis. Ima boy." Thanks for the bio lesson, son! :)

10. Chinese Pear candles from World Market are probably the most beautiful smelling things on the planet earth. No joke. Next time you're in WM, try them. And also, pick up some Italian dark chocolate. Mmmm.

the day of october 17

2011-10-17T13:39:00.008-05:00

Greatly inspired title, hmm?

It's one of those perfect fall days. Cool breeze, warm sunlight, and that distinct autumn leaves scent that I love so much. Ah. Guess who's kickin' back with a homemade chai right now as the little ones slumber?

One guess....

Ok. It's me.

"Hey, God? Your creation of fall?? Yeah, thank you. 'Tis good indeed! Ya did swell."

The Butrin household has many gourds all about: some on the balcony, some in the boy's room, some in front of our door with a big pot of amber-hued mums. Big, bumpy orange pumpkins and little, twisty yellow-green gourds. One gourd, in particular, Jonah loves sucking on (I think because it sorta looks like a breast.... ha!) A few of the pumpkins are for making into pies and a couple are strictly for gutting and harvesting seeds and making into misshapen Jacks (you try making Jack-o-Lanterns with a dull butcher knife and see how YOURS turn out!)

On our most recent trip to the farm, in addition to the pumpkins, we picked up a half-gallon of organic apple cider, a small bag of locally popped kettle corn, McIntosh's (my favorite apples), and a couple butternut and acorn squashes. Yippee for harvest in Wisconi!

Is it funny how proud I was for Elijah when he bypassed all the standard orange pumpkins and picked out for himself a really pretty light yellowish one with dark green stripes? Elijah's independence is so striking to me, more so than ever before. I love watching him employ his own methods and finding what he wants. What a little... person!... this babe is turning out to be :) What happened to my small, wrinkly, totally dependent, red-headed baby-bean?

Elijah's shorter hair! And Jonah, for as precious and beautiful as he is, looks totally stung out here (and according to the mess on his shirt, it's probably a sunbutter hangover). But this's all I got right now.

Elijah: "Jo-jo, you like the pumpkin I picked out for you!?" Jonah: "Eh, it's a'ight. Next year though, can you grab me one of those funk-a-delic turban pumpkins? K'Thanks."

little thoughts on doula/ recipes!

2011-10-06T23:14:00.004-05:00

Jonathan very sweetly offered to put the boys down to bed tonight so that I could pop out for some R&R. I went to Caribou Coffee, laptop and birthing books in tow, and set up camp for a couple hours.

Coffee, quiet, and birth. Tres manifique.

My dear friends, Michelle and Jonathan, are expecting their first baby in March, and they have graciously asked if I would be their doula!!!!!!!!(lots of exclamations)!!!!!!!! I cannot even begin to relay what an honor it was and is to be asked to fill this role. I feel immensely proud and ecstatic, over-the-moon. My very first birth as a doula (unofficial, but still :). Yeah. Doula workshop is on hold until the spring... when tax season rolls around... bleh.

I am equipping myself: writing up thoughts, reading like mad, and - of course - collaborating with Mama Shelly. It's neat: I feel, hmm, at home with all this. Like, I've found my niche.

Aside from the Holy Word, there is absolutely *nothing* more I would rather pore over than birthy literature. I love hearing from Michelle: how she's feeling, what she's thinking, what questions I can help answer. I love, love being there for her - she's one of my best friends, and this is an incredibly unique and special time for her. To be a small part of that makes me get all warm-fuzzy like.

Mmm! So excited for her! So excited for Jon! So excited for their babe! She's totally having a boy.... I feel that "boy" aura all over when we're near. Oh yeah. Scientific assessments here.

So, I'll write more about my side of this journey as time floats on.

In the meantime.....

Booyah, check out these recipes:

I was cleaning for Mija one early Saturday, and they were whipping up a treat for the Lord's Day - "chocoalte pudding". Get this: it's avocado, dates, and cocoa or carob powder. Ta-freakin-da! Isn't that nuts!?! Mija had me try a taste, and I went through the roof. It was scrump-didli-umptious. Try it - you shouldn't be disappointed, and if you are, then your taste-buds need a readjustment... I kid, I kid. But seriously - TRY IT.

Secondly, I found this lovely gem through trusty ol' Facebook: Poor Girl Eats Well. Her garlic-parmesan soba noodles were just what my family needed the other day. Again - scrumptious! Recently, she's been posting different types of taco recipes - all look phenomenal. I've even tried my hand at her recipe for strawberry-peach ice cream - made WITHOUT an ice cream maker. Bonus. It was heaven on a spoon, peeps.

Then there was this, which (for future reference) if anyone ever stumbles upon another recipe that has quinoa, kale, AND feta cheese in it, please do not hesitate to call me up and let me know. I am a gosh darn sucker for those heavenly foodstuffs. The dish itself was hearty, warm to the soul, flavorful. Absolute crowd-pleaser.

I enjoy pretending like I'm an award-winning chef sometimes - even going as far as talking to myself (er, like there's a live audience or something...) Anyway, that was a totally random confession! I've whipped up a couple yummy things myself in the past month, including fruit smoothies, herb butters, turkey meatballs, curried tater tots (Trader Joe's tater tots are unlike any other tot I've ever popped into my mouth - crunchy, textured, free of anything crappy - truly something in the realm of tater tots - I just add a dash of curry, and voila - awesomeness factor kicked up a bagillion points). I've reinvented fontina cheese and button mushroom quesadillas, and homemade pita pockets with marinara, spinach chicken sausage, and illegal amounts of organic mozzarella.

Oh yes, if you have to ask - my boys DO love me *blush*.

Hope some of these recipes tickle your fancy. Enjoy cooking and eating!

thy temples are like pomegranates

2011-10-06T14:04:00.006-05:00

My new favorite fruit, hands down, is the pomegranate.

I cannot believe that before last week I had never peeled and seeded my very own red, rounded, sexy pomegranate. It was great.

I've had everything from pomegranate kefir to pomegranate Greek yogurt with the delicious little seeds to straight up Pom Juice. It's all been taste-bud lovely, but nothing quite as exhilarating as the actual picking and peeling and seeding of my own, whole pomegranate.

The entire experience of cutting and gutting is rewarding. The one I worked on was pretty and plump and yielded a good 2 cups of magenta-shaded, tart-juice-filled beads. My friend, Caitlin, had given me a wonderful little tip for cutting poms - do it in a sink of water (or as I did, bowl of water). That way, you contain the staining mess and your kitchen doesn't end up looking like a crime scene.

Once I had pulled each and every juicy bead from the white inside, I was poppin' them into my mouth, poppin' them onto salads, poppin' them into smoothies. They. Are. So. Fricking. Goooood.

Tart, but refreshing. And oh so pretty to look at.

Mmmmm.

Tonight I am going to be posting a slew of recipes I've accumulated over the past month and a half, so stay tuned. Lots of yummy food that will get your taste-buds doing jigs all up an down the street. No, seriously.

jumping back in, head first

2011-10-04T21:07:00.004-05:00

I'm in that weird cyclical stage of blogging - the longer I wait to resume blogging, the more I have to blog about and thus the more I fear sitting down and blogging because I will NOT be able to recall everything I'm supposed to recall.... ugh.

Yet. Here I am. What, like a month and a half since my last entry? Not terrible, but there is so, so much to put down. I better get crackin'.

I left you, my dear readers, with the happy vs sad thoughts I had about uprooting myself and my family from West Bend and replanting in Pewaukee - a mere 35 minutes south; a life-changing decision nonetheless.

The short of it: it's been good. I know, I know: the simplistic, ruthless teaser. I'll be expounding later. I just wanted to check in and let ya'll know that I'm alive and I'm kicking.

A few things to expect in the next post:

My new favorite fruit/ yummy recipes
What the boys and I have been up to/ special moments
Doula workshop and breastfeeding classes
Simple changes in my life to accompany the change in living location

Love and light to you all - I've missed being around!

thoughts on moving - sads and happys

2011-08-23T23:13:00.003-05:00

In three more glorious moons, we will be uprooting ourselves from West Bend and replanting in "Lake Country" (or, more commonly referred to as Pewaukee). I have such mixed emotions.

Perhaps it's because this entire month has been rumblin' and tumblin'. Lots of tears over finances, job security for Jonathan, (future) schooling for the boys, Jonah's therapy, my doula workshop, heaps of student loan debt, making the final final decision to relocate really fast...

Everything has been a blur. I have found myself on more than one occasion inexplicably sobbing, my mind a complete whirl of everything troublesome or unsettled in my life. It's sorta nuts.

And I try not to worry... Philippians 4:6 makes it's hourly rounds through my head.

My emotions flow and sway, yet Yahweh bends ever-closer to the earth; the Holy Spirit shines light to Christ.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

Yep. One dusty-feeling lady, right here. Be gentle, please, Lord? Give grace. Give strength.

***

Anyway. I view our move to Pewaukee of some significance. I can't quite put my finger on why this move differs from past moves, but it does. Greatly. I feel overall peace about the transition, but... sorrow, too.

I ascertain there's sorrow because my children are growing up as if nomads. You see, we all continue to live, breathe, move, create, rest, run, eat, heal, play, cry, laugh. We make memories within the walls of our dwelling, and so far my children have changed dwellings thrice.

There is such a longing part of me that wants a house - a relatively steady, solid, physical place that can "hold" memories. Does that make any lick of sense?

I want my children to grow up distinctly remembering the smell of mama's cookies wafting through the air - from specific oven to specific room. I want them to remember the look of sunlight as it poured through a specific window. I want them to have a specific place that is comforting and never-changing and full of love... And I know, I know: those last attributes are more contained in my own motherly embrace than in an assembly of brick and mortar. But still. I want something my children can bring their children to and it's like, this is home.

I was deeply bummed when my grandparents sold their quaint ranch house in Grafton. Not because it was a spectacular house (or because it had a rockin' pool :), but truly: because those walls contained a myriad of memories. Sounds, smells, touches. Everything in there. Perhaps never to be experienced by my senses again.

I want familiarity. I want to not move. Ever. Again.

Though, I know that's not going to happen. We will move again. And I well up with tears at the thought. Dangitall.

I am also leery because of location. Pewaukee is one of those beautiful, old communities with a huge, creepy lake. I kinda get "this-place-is-haunted vibes" every time I am in the town! I know it's silly but... yah. I'm hoping to shake those vibes the more I explore the village.

Upsides (because you always have to have those):

1. Booty-shakin'-sized FARMERS MARKET that is open until November! Biggest one in Waukesha county! And it's right up the hill from us! Boo-yah.

2. Good Harvest Market - giant natural foods store, five minutes from my front door!

3. Beautiful (but, yes, still creeptastic) lake and beach.

4. Lovely, well-stocked library (with a freakin' observatory built into it!! No way? WAY!)

5. Just a short drive to Michelle (one of very best friends and one of my first doula clients *shhh!*)

6. A Costco. Two minute walk from our apartment. Say. No. More.

7. Lotsa parks and trails - not as nearby as WB's were, but they're there.

8. Our balcony is HUUUUUUU-mongous. Perfect for growing a container garden (and since it won't be *right up* in the forest, hopefully giant bugs won't eat all my fare... like they did this year.... grrrrr....).

9. There are SO many closets in our apartment. So many. Not that we have a ton of stuff, but it's nice to have options ;)

10. Jonathan can *walk* to work. How awesome is that, my friends? I will have a bit more freedom with having a car (to see my sisters, to go to library reading times, etc).

Sweet, yes?

So, on paper the pros out-weight the cons. I am again feeling optimistic and bubbly after this post.

Pewaukee, be nice to me!

two beans

2011-08-22T22:58:00.003-05:00

Showing off his little muscles after a full, full day of swimming at Regner Park.

Playing with paints (closed tightly in jars, that is). Check out his left hand. That is what happens when big brother accidentally vacuums over baby's hand. Ouchie ouchie.

perfectly placed quote

2011-08-22T22:44:00.006-05:00

Remember this and never forget it: even if it should seem at times that everything is collapsing, nothing is collapsing at all, because God doesn't lose battles ~ Saint Josemaria Escriva

and a note of hope

2011-08-09T23:07:00.003-05:00

Have your heart right with Christ and He will visit you often; and so turn weekdays into Sundays, meals into sacraments, homes into temples, and earth into heaven ~ Charles Spurgeon

somber notes

2011-08-09T22:54:00.005-05:00

Riotous youths in London.

30,000 Somali children under 5, dead.

.... and I have complained all week about not being able to find an apartment in Pewaukee with a washer and dryer in the unit.... Lord, have mercy.

***

Where is there beauty?

I look outside tonight, watching the beautiful blue sky grow dark and the pinpoints of starlight gleam, and think: someone is starving right now; someone is hurting right now; someone needs Jesus right NOW.

Jesus. It hits me every so often. Jesus. How dark and lost and void can this world tumble?

Jesus, we could sure use some light down here....

must sees/ reads

2011-08-08T13:02:00.006-05:00

Through Facebook, I get updates on More Business of Being Born, the newest brain child of Rikki Lake and Abby Epstein. To read more about the projects, click here.

The page recently shared a link for this children's book called Mama, Talk About When Max Was Born. It's all about water birth. I'm thinkin' that's pretty sweet!

Also, the artist is from Wisconsin. Yah, Wisconi! Promote that water birth!!

mothers of change article 2

2011-08-08T09:18:00.000-05:00

Check out my second post on Mothers of Change: Jonah's VBAC story!

moooooohahahaha

2011-08-07T23:17:00.000-05:00

i'm tayrd

2011-08-07T23:08:00.003-05:00

This. Week. Has. Been. NUTS!

Short version, because I am zonked beyond zonked and have to get up early for Jonah's therapy sessions:

WE ARE MOVING TO PEWAUKEE!

Yes. I can most assuredly say, finally with 100% (for real this time) confidence, that we are packing up and high-tailing it for the beautiful Lake County. I will miss (understatement) West Bend and many, many things about it. But it is time for a change.

I will write more on this later. But as I said: zonked.

***

ALSO! A quick farewell to WBW 2011! It's been great reading other women's accounts of breastfeeding, checking out some rockin' bfing art, and basically advocating the socks off bfing in public.

I mean, these are things I generally do *anyway* but.... it's more fun when there's an actual WEEK to "blame" it on :)

breastfeeding on friday

2011-08-05T15:04:00.002-05:00

Jonah has been cutting his upper left cuspid for an eternity now. Come on out, little cuspid!

J is nursing like a fiend, which I suppose is totally relevant, seeing as it's World Breastfeeding Week. I think I am on nursing session.... 54....

:) I love it

mothers of change article

2011-08-04T22:34:00.004-05:00

Check it out, yous peoples!

Read Elijah's birth story and the beginnings of my doula journey HERE.

some of my favorite breastfeeding art

2011-08-04T13:29:00.004-05:00

This one is gorgeous. Period.

Nursing. Jesus. Mosaic. I'm there.

Gotta throw some photography in here. I love the soft curves of the baby and the breast juxtaposed against the more solid lines of his mama's arm.

Must include Klimt. ALWAYS include Klimt. I like the flowers in her hair, and how cozy the little one looks.

I received a card with this picture on it right after I found out I was pregnant with Elijah. I always knew I would breastfeed my children, so to get something with such simply beauty was a sweet boost.

*These pictures were taken off the "Hey Facebook! Breastfeeding Artwork is not obscene!" page*

**Also, check out the "Historic Photos and Prints of Breastfeeding" page, and become a fan!**

world breastfeeding week!

2011-08-03T13:20:00.005-05:00

You know what's incredibly touching for a mama who's breastfeeding in public? When a person walks up to her, says how *awesome* it is that she's breastfeeding in public, and hands her this small piece of paper:

This is exactly what happened to me a couple Saturdays ago! Jonathan, the boys, and I were in Bayshore Mall after our biweekly trip to Trader Joe's. Elijah was havin' a hoot in the play area with his peers. Jonah, who was worn out from another rigorous TJ trip, was CUH-rabby, so naturally I brought him in close and he nursed.

I've done this countless times before during my collective 37 months of breastfeeding, but this was the first time an absolute stranger came up and encouraged the crap out of me with such a kind gesture. She sat down near me and we swapped stories - mainly breastfeeding triumphs and trials. What a blessing it was to sit there and shoot the breeze with this woman, feeling totally empowered and not ogled. What a blessing.

Anyway, I want to print of a dozen of these little cards and stash them away in my purse.

elijah's rhymes

2011-07-26T12:56:00.005-05:00

While washing dishes in the kitchen, Elijah and Jonah played with Legos in the front play area. This is what I heard coming from my darling red-head...

"Fight for your rights, fight for your mights, fight for your pights (?) fight for your bites......!"

Then a little later:

"Shoosh, poosh, doosh// shoosh, poosh, doosh" (which, of course, doosh reminded me of douche, and the immature child in me snickered).

And THEN:

"Bit, kit, tick (slant rhyming, see), lick, shhhhhhhhhhhhit!"

I think my eyes became as wide as the plates I was washing. Not wanting to draw attention to the word since he's never said it before and was obviously not knowledgeable or malicious in his use, I just said, "Hmm, let's quiet down now a bit, shall we?"

"Shall we? Shall weeeee?" He giggled. "Sho, mama." And he dragged his ratted copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends over to me.

The kid loves poetry.

poor with words

2011-07-25T09:10:00.005-05:00

Have any other mothers out there ever totally blanked on words? Of course you have.

For instance.

Elijah was spelling out words in a vocabulary book (garage sale!!!! 10 cents!!!!!!!) when he came across the word "car". Now, he knows his letters - has since he was super young. But when he came to this particular word, instead of spelling out each letter, he looked at the picture and said, "C-c-c-car, starts with K."

I said, "Look again! What letter is at the beginning there? That's a C."

He was insistent. "No! C-c-c-CAR starts with K!"

To which I replied, "Dude, c can make a hard c-c-c sound. Like...... c-c-car......... c-c-carbohydrate.............. c-c-crap...." I COULD NOT for the life of me think of any other words that began with a hard c! Car, carbs, crap.

Way to go, Em. A+.

Oh, yah...... I really do want to homeschool.

:)

stuff on monday

2011-07-25T07:03:00.002-05:00

Montessori Print Shop is having a kick-butt giveaway!

(I think I may be getting myself addicted to these giveaways.... *sigh* I promise not to completely riddle my blog with promos. Promise.... after I win these nomenclature cards. Ha. Haha.)

***
In other news:

BUSY weekend! Cleaned Mija's house, went to Olivia's very first birthday party, beached it up, participated in a very edgy skit in church (I'll write more about the later), helped build the church float for the upcoming Random Lake Fireman's Parade (well, fine... I actually helped stuff goodie-bags, but whatevah), and visited with my sisters and nieces and nephew.

Prayers: please be praying for my mama and dad. I won't go into detail about the situation(s), but they have had one rough year with just... lots of crap thrown their way! They need good ol' bucket-loads of prayer, support, extra hugs if one can spare them... being a pastor and pastor's wife are two difficult paths. Pray for grace.

Today: makin' homemade finger paint! And trying to get outside... with it being so hot, we've only been out a couple times. I completely wither in the heat and humidity.

poo part two

2011-07-20T21:27:00.006-05:00

Not to continue the pity party, but our request for loan consolidation was denied. Which blows chunks, basically. It's like they took one look at our income, one look at our debt amount, and went "Say WHAAAAT!? *Laughter*snicker*snort* Ummm, NO."

So. Plotting and praying continues......

Thank you to all the sweet people who have extended words of encouragement and prayer. I am deeply moved by all the lovin'. It's hard not to get wrapped up in your own drama, you know, thinking that it's only your family being affected by debt woes. I know we're not the only ones in this situation. For that, I offer prayers for you all.

Silver linings to the day: finding out a friend is pregnant with her fourth baby, playing vacuum-tag with the boys, making scotcheroos, cuddling with Jonathan watching a funny movie (I needed to laugh that hard!).

Good night. HIS mercies are new every morning...

hello, poo hitting fan

2011-07-20T15:01:00.008-05:00

Putting out an APB for prayer. And 80,000 bones if you can spare it. Kidding. Sort of.

Oh boy, I am trying to remain focused on a loving God who extends grace after grace after grace. I am trying to remind myself that this is "just a season". I am trying to remind myself that this crappy college debt will go away, some way or another.

I know, beyond shadows of doubt, that Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, will do just that: provide.

BUT. How? How?

Jonathan's working his butt off. I still haven't heard from Panera; if I don't land that job (which I may not, because they are looking for day time workers) I will apply to a couple other places, and then Jonathan's going to try part time at a nearby grocers. I am going to gather up my best portfolio of pictures and frame them (on the cheap) and see if some local coffee shops would allow me to sell them in their establishments. I have everything I need to become a certified doula in my hands... just waiting for the workshop in October, which seems forever away. And then even after that, there's more stuff that needs to be accomplished, you know? This doula business takes time. It will be a good while yet before I begin making income off that...

And after all these efforts, with part time jobs and odd end stuff, we'll still be scrapin' our knees getting by.

It's a sickening feeling to take an unofficial poll and discover that most other people around you - with or without children, with or without college debt - are all spending almost 3x the amount you are on groceries per week. I don't know why this bothers me... especially when I consider that across the world, things look much, much bleaker for a great number of people. I think it goes directly back to a specific moment I had when I was pregnant with Elijah. Jonathan and I were in deferment mode of our loans at that time, but I knew there would come a day when we would owe an insane amount of lettuce to the banks. I remember being 36 weeks pregnant, and breaking into tears in front of a meat case. I know, I know: complete cliche pregnant lady moment. But I thought, I never want my children to go hungry.

And, hello, it's not like they've ever come close, but... truth be told, we're really squeaking, scraping, slipping by... I hate this feeling.

I don't blow this all out here to garner sympathies - just prayer and understanding. And, of course, to feel the peace that typically comes after a good, solid vent into the faceless blogosphere ;)

Maybe we shouldn't have gone to an ultra expensive university. But had we not gone to that particular one, we would not have met each other, we would not have... etc etc. I'll leave it at that. We were both driven there - so, period. It's been done. There's not a lick we can do to change the fact that we went to an ultra expensive university, except bemoan the ridiculous loans we have incurred and wish we had been told "major in something practical and lucrative" instead of "follow your heart" (poetry and film are too hard to crack into, I guess).

I've been teary today. I want to stay home with my children, but still be able to help with the debt load. I want my husband to come home and be able to relax and not be in near-tears himself with stress. I want to be able to go to the grocery store and buy something small without having to check the bank account first.

This all makes me long for heaven, which I guess is the point of our lives anyway: to long for heaven, to strive for God's glory alone. But in the meantime... this. is. difficult.

shameless plug? maybe. a little :)

2011-07-18T22:32:00.004-05:00

I have been following the site Living Montessori Now for some time, boundlessly reaping ideas for homeschooling like a crazy, hands-on parent ought. The webmaster's name is Deb, and I have found her site to be an extremely creative and helpful well of information on implementing Montessori principles while living with and teaching children.

Recently, she has hosted a giveaway of grandiose proportions, and I decided (despite my gross luck in situations like these!) to attempt winning the thing! Check it out: twelve albums of activities and curriculum, along with access to insightful icons like Karen Tyler. This. Would. Be. Awesome. Eeeek!

So wish me luck! If you don't enter the contest, at least check out Living Montessori Now to see what neat bits are there! Enjoy.

11:29

2011-07-17T23:15:00.005-05:00

Sleeping over at my parent's house tonight! It's storming here in Belgium; loud light streaking the night sky.

Boys are feeling better. Jonathan's feeling yucky. Cold, go away please.

***

Three things.

What is the closest thing to me right now? Besides my laptop? A pile of mail and a glass of water.

Pick up the nearest book, turn to page 35, and go to the 4th full sentence. "To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generation, forever and ever."

What is your favorite thing about right now? The reality of a warm bed in 3, 2, 1...

breaking silence

2011-07-15T13:03:00.005-05:00

I don't know what's up, but the motivation on my internal blog-o-meter is pretty near nil.

Just a few quick facts:

*In the past week I have made our own homemade granola, my second huge batch of laundry soap, homemade yogurt (in a crockpot!), and homemade vanilla pudding. Check! to adding new things on the self-sustaining list. Well.... if we had our own cow for its beautiful, raw milk, then we could REALLY be self-sustaining, right?!

*I am applying to the Panera here in West Bend, for a little part time ditty. I would work in the evenings so Jonathan could be home with the boys. Hopefully, this will only be in place until I am doula-certified in October. But until then, I will be optimistic! I am looking forward to sticky cinnamon crunch bagels and brightly colored polo shirts...

*The boys are sick AGAIN! I'm assuming this time is because we just came back from MI where we ate sub-par eats, and slept sub-par sleeps, and were kinda spotty with our oil application. Eh, such is the life of young people. As of now, Elijah is passed out in bed, little chest heaving (sad, sad!), little forehead red and warm; Jonah is near-naked, curled up next to me, his chest raising nicely, but his nose stuffed gooey and full. Poor lovelies. Their temperaments have been mild, and we've just been reading books, playing low-key games, and watching Wall-E. And lots of cuddling on the couch.

*Because of aforementioned illnesses, I made a huge pot of bubbling chicken soup yesterday. I ladled up three big bowls (one for me and Jonah to split, one for Jonathan, one for Elijah), and began to carry them over to the table. In the middle of this journey, I tipped one bowl toward myself and consequently splattered scalding hot soup all over my hand and forearm. Boy, did I yelp! After running ice cold water on it for 5 minutes, I applied lavender oil, all over. And can you believe - not only did it take away the searing pain immediately, I have not ONE blister the next day. Lavender oil - I cannot say enough good about it! It's my favorite. I think I may propose.

*And in conclusion: did you know that when a mama kisses her baby, she picks up pathogens that are present on the baby's face that the baby is about to ingest? The mother's secondary lymphoid organs then take up the pathogens and re-stimulate memory B cells specific for them, which then migrate to the mother's breast milk where they produce essential antibodies for the nursling.

Isn't God awesome? The whole orchestration of that is just... wow.

G'night.

smile

2011-07-05T09:32:00.002-05:00

7:32 AM

2011-07-04T07:32:00.004-05:00

Jonah and I are playing Duplos on the floor (very sweetly lent to us by Mija and her children).

Today, we are:

*NOT cleaning the apartment. I'll reeeeeally have to fight the urge on this one. Truly. It's a sty. But Jonathan's home, the weather is gorgeous, and I want to connect with my children on a purely crazy-fun level. It's the Fourth, after all!

*Baking homemade chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting to celebrate Elijah's pooping in the toilet AND mastering "the BIG porcelain" as we call it 'round here. *Sniff, sniff* my little boy is growing up! Sidenote: we've also forgone disposable diapers altogether, forcing us to have Elijah diaperless at night... which has resulted in "pee pants" at least once every night for the past week (usually twice if he has had something to drink before bed). What else can I do besides nix before bedtime drinking? He has a mattress pad OVER his sheet (to preserve the sheet and my sanity!) so the cleanup is no biggie, but I feel bad for him waking up uncomfortable, smelly, and wet. TIPS!?

*Going to the splash pad in Jackson, which is (cha-CHING) FREE.

*Calling up Caleb to wish him a happy golden fourth birthday!

*Driving to Sheboygan for a partay at the Haffeman's and fireworks on the Lake. Another sidenote: we went to the Grafton fireworks on Saturday night, with Elijah and Jonah. Those boys LOVE fireworks. Absolutely head-over-heels LOVE them. During the finale, Elijah was clapping and screaming and laughing and dancing; Jonah was doing his own "dance moves" and laughing hysterically. They had a blast. And not ONE mosquito bite. Thank you, Purification oil!

ALRIGHTY THEN. Jonah, who is enjoying some "butt-time", just pooed and peed on the floor. That, dear readers, is my cue to go and slap a dipe on him.

Enjoy your holiday!

elijah, 3 years 5 months

2011-06-26T22:12:00.012-05:00

Elijah,

My love.

Lately, you have been... difficult. I hate using that terminology, but...! I sorta had a mini meltdown today after church because you just would not listen. I endlessly reason with you, and 50% of the time this tactic works. But the other half of the time it doesn't, or sometimes I don't want to friggin' reason with you! Sometimes, I simply want you to obey. Why do you have to be so stinkin' strong-willed?! MAN.

Truthfully, I view your strong-will as a blessing, not a hindrance. I intercede for you, asking that this trait will be used in good, good ways as you grow older - that you would defend Truth, love people passionately, help those who are less fortunate, and do whatever else it is that you're called to do with that same attitude of tenacity and chutzpah.

And gauging from the fieriness of it, I highly doubt the chutzpah will ever wear away, but I do hope you learn to harness it! 'Cause, dude, no one likes a tantrum. Especially the poor, weather-worn mama, that's fo dang sho.

I love you, and I know you know that... but, boy.... you threw me for a loopy-loop when you turned from sweet babe to defiant, stubborn, boisterous mover n' shaker. I noticed the transition around your third birthday, actually. And that's not to say you're not ever sweet - you are. You can be so deliciously sweet and kind and helpful. But sometimes the "dark side" seems to dominate. I'm thinking (and holding to the hopes of encouraging people) that the sheer defiance will mellow out by four years of age, and you'll be more trusting of me. That you'll understand more of your surroundings, and of me and my role in your life, and of God and his plans. In the meantime, I am praying and imparting tons of grace to you, and trusting our Heavenly Father to do the same for me. I am not, by any means, a pro at this parenting stuff. I need bucketloads of grace, daily.

On the lighter side of thangs:

1. You played outside with water guns all day long, which totally tuckered you out. You passed out *cold* in the car around 6:30. Fab. You are so gorgeous when you sleep.

2. You adore anything and everything pirate. You have a little wooden medallion with your name on one side and the Jolly Roger on the other. When I asked you who the Jolly Roger was, you promptly replied, "That's Golly Roger!" I laughed quite a bit over that one. I haven't the heart to correct you... ever....

3. You give your brother these kick-butt hugs when the two of you aren't wrestling like absolute INGRATES. You were acting so dramatic about it today especially: you'd close your eyes in this emotional, pained manner, and envelop Jonah in your arms. It looked so theatrical - I must capture it in photo form. Hysterical.

You would also say repeatedly "I love you, Jonah" and plant a kiss on his head or cheek. Mama's heart was a puddle.

4. On Saturday, you walked the longest you've ever walked - about 2 miles! On your own two legs! I was so proud!

Granted, 3/4 of the way through you completely lost your cool, and indulged a huuuuge tantrum. I couldn't carry you, because I had Jonah in the sling, and you wouldn't let Michelle carry you because - OF COURSE - she's not ME. Soooo, you threw yourself on the sidewalk right in front of a house with people out in their yard (naturally). That's when I ripped [the near-sleeping] Jonah out of the sling, handed him to Michelle [cue crying on his end], picked you up by your shirt, and probably looked like a maniac as I scurried away with my nutbag children. I held you, reluctantly at first (because I was mad and hot and embarrassed) and mumbled things through my gritted teeth like: "youNEVERdothatEVERagainorIwillTAKEYOURBLOCKSAWAYFORGOOD!"

After you and I calmed down, and I got over my silly embarrassment, I realized that HEY, you were exhausted. Slack was definitely cut. But still... we try not to flail in front of people's homes, mkay? I think we'll put our next long walk on hold for a bit, or at least let ya ride in the wagon :)

And all that said (er, written) I am still proud you walked most of it. Two miles is nothing for me, but for your little legs, it's a hike. We have to build endurance. Mama should know that *DOH*

4. I don't know who taught you Cold War Kids (Daddy, I presume) but keep it coming! Talk about making me smile!

Wrestling. You're winning, 'Lije.

Walking by the forest in our backyard.

Whippin out some bubbly.

Blowing little bubs.

The wind caught the bubbles a couple times. You thought that was pretty neat.

Fishy lips.

See? Chutzpah.

She LIKES me!

Your lady friend, Aira, from across Grandma and Papa's house. She picked you up in her ride.

Showing off your cute biceps. I cannot stand the adorable factor. GAH.

eatin' me out of house and home...

2011-06-24T10:43:00.007-05:00

It is mind-blowingly obvious when Elijah is in the midst of a growth spurt.

He's not a picky eater when it comes to the type of food. He loves most vegetables, all types of fruit, grains, cheeses, etc. He is daring to try new things (with only a smidgen of coercion :).

But, overall, he is very picky about the amount of food. No matter what it is. It could be a huge slice of chocolatey chocolate cake and he'd nibble a few nibbles then be finished. He just doesn't eat a ton.....

That is until he hits a growth spurt. Then he's practically begging to eat the kitchen sink.

EXAMPLE: This morning we had what Pippin the Hobbit referred to as second breakfast. And third breakfast.

I prepared scrambled eggs loaded with spinach and cheese, spelt toast with real butter and no sugar cherry jam, and pear slices. While I focused mostly on Jonah, Elijah downed probably 3 eggs worth of scrambled eggs, 2 slices of toast, and 3/4 of the pear slices (for which he asked a bit of sunbutter).

THEN, not 20 minutes later, he ever-so-politely requested a bowl of cereal. Knowing how much energy this kid exerts in one day, I usually oblige when he asks for more food. So I poured him a bowl of oatmeal squares with almond milk and a big glass of pomegranate kefir.

Gone in 10 seconds.

THEN, not another 20 minutes after THAT, I was getting Jonathan's lunch ready (leftover eggplant lasagna) and Elijah wanted some o' that! I think I just starred at him for 47 seconds before managing an "are you kidding me?" He smiled, asked again. I gave him a 3 in x 3 in piece of that, cold. He ate it up cheerily, then asked, "Could I have a sip of yo lemon watah?" Yes. So he sipped out of my lemon water then - finally - seemed satiated.

What a hoss!

Another indicator of growth spurt is that he actually wants to nap. He's a whirl of go-go-go-go let'splayhideandgoseekandtagandtictactoeandletsjumpoffthebalconyandscreamhelloatourneighborsandblahblahblahblahblah
and then CRASH.

So he's passed out on the floor in my bedroom, mouth open, drool pourin'.

What a silly willy child.

He will, no doubt, wake up, want to eat and eat and eat again, so I'm getting a jump start on lunch. Jonah's in the sling, and I'll be whipping up a hearty homemade chicken soup with kale, white beans, carrots, celery, quinoa (he'll only eat that in soup), onions, and garlic. A side of freshly baked focaccia.

Hopefully that will sustain the growing beast for a couple more hours!

Boy, oh boy. I have boys.

the short(ish) versions

2011-06-13T21:04:00.006-05:00

Oh, oh, oh.

So many, many things to catch up on...

*The doula workshop I plan on attending will be late October in Milwaukee. I've already begun the required reading, which is all so deeply informative, exhausting, and incredible - I only hope my postpartum brain can keep up!

The more I stride toward the goal of "doula" and the more prayer I pour into the venture, the more convinced I become that this path will continue to unfold to beauty and growth. I am thankful to the Lord for every opportunity he has presented thus far. By his grace, he will continue to guide...

*Outside the required reading, I picked up a few extra birth titles, including: Labor of Love: A Midwife's Memoir and Your Best Birth. Labor of Love is killer so far. My favorite quote: I'm going to have more skills and knowledge at my disposal than pinching a woman's nipples in an emergency. Taken out of context, that has the ability to furrow some brows. But rest assured: it's all about birth and postpartum and being aware, intuitive, and prepared as a homebirth midwife.

* Jonathan and I celebrated our past five years! He surprised me with a quick trip to Galena, IL (sans boys) to Cloran Mansion. We stayed in our own private bungalow, complete with a gorgeous candlelit diner (the salad was absolutely rave-able, read: Jonathan raved about the salad!) and my filet mignon was perfection in beef form). We enjoyed quiet time! We left distractions off. We slept in until 10 AM. We indulged in couple's massages (my first massage ever, and I just about DIED from happiness)!! We walked the historic shopping district, grabbed Intelligentsia coffee, sampled wines and cheeses, bought the boys a new book, made candles, sat in an old monastery and talked and cuddled and loved each other. We had a stellar breakfast (that I didn't have to make!) complete with pesto mashed potatoes and french toasts and beef sausages and juicy watermelon. We made sweet conversation with other guests in the B&B, and I discovered another fellow birth junkie. The two of us girls gabbed on and on about birth positions until our husbands' listless faces cued us to stop. It was grrrrreat.

Jonathan and I drove back home after only 24 hours of separation from "real" life, and yet we felt wholly rejuvenated and more connected to each other. The boys missed us, as we missed them! It was sweet to hear their calls and laughs when they saw us home again.

And hoo-boy! I forgot about the probable engorgement that would ensue from not having Jonah nursing... DUH. Jonah slept just fine on almond milk, apparently, but I was soooooooo glad to have him at my breast after 24 hours. I haven't been that full since Elijah was an infant. Ouchie.

*My older sister Erin is pregnant with baby #2! Wahoooooo! Olive will be a big sister (and I may have another daycareling)

*Oh, dudes, I am zonked with a capital Z. I've been quite absent on the blogging scene, for which I sorta apologize, but not really :) We're walking a lot this spring. It's been grand. We've been making friends, beaching, trekking, wading, swinging, picnicking, reading, painting, tantruming (boooooo), cobedding, traveling... the Midwest, praying, eating, dozing, baking.

God is good.

2011-06-13T20:52:00.005-05:00

I remember once sitting at the hairdresser's. The woman beside me reads, and I read the title in the reflection of the mirror: 1000 Places to See Before You Die. Is that it? Are there physical places that simply must be seen before I stop breathing within time, before I inhale eternity?

Why? To say that I've had reason to bow low? To say that I've seen beauty? To say that I've been arrested by wonder?

Isn't it here? Can't I find it here?

These very real lungs will breathe in more than 11,000 liters of air today, and tonight over our farm will rise the Great Hexagon of the blazing winter stars - Sirius, Rigel, ruby Aldebran, Capella, the fiery Gemini twins, the Procyon, and in the center, scarlet Betelgeuse, the red supergiant larger than twice the size of the earth's orbit around the sun - and I will embrace the skin of a boy child that my body grew from a seed. The low heavens outside the paned windows fill with more snowflakes than stars, no two-stacked crystals the same; the trees in the wood draw in collective green breath to the still of January hibernation, and God in the world will birth ice from his womb, frost from heaven, bind the chains of the Pleiades, loose the cords of Orion, and number again the strands on my head (Job 38:31; Matthew 10:30).

Isn't it here? The wonder? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling to see it? Do we truly stumble so blind that we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur? The very same surging magnificence that cascades over our every day here? Who has time or eyes to notice?

-One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

loud vs quiet

2011-06-02T11:53:00.005-05:00

All the babes are napping.

Olive, in her bouncy chair, sippy-cup in sleepy hands; Jonah, nestled quietly on my bed, surrounded by pillows; Elijah, on his own bed with his butt in the air, his face serene.

Ten minutes ago I was wanting to pull my hair out on account of clamorous children! Now, I can stand a lot of noise - I grew up in a relatively big home with a lot of noisy peeps. I'm pretty tolerant of noise...

But I'm talking: Olive, who is at that super clumsy stage where she's crawling fast, rolling everywhere, trying to stand and walk and grab things..... she is constantly getting hurt. Like, every two seconds - falling, bumping her head, smacking herself in the face with a block (?), crawling underneath chairs and couches and BOOKCASES and getting stuck........ And it's not like I'm not right there! I see her, I try to guide her and help out. But somehow the little Olive keeps inflicting pain on her little frame. And she's a very sensitive soul. Every minor bump elicits the craziest, loudest cry. Ahhhh, so I have that "siren" going on....

THEN, Jonah and Elijah were wrestling. Wrestling, people. A 17-month and a 39-month old - the older with the younger in a headlock, and the younger with the older by the hair. It was a tangle of loud laughter and groaning, biting and tickling. I broke it up. I know, I know.... stick in the mud. It was in that moment that I came to the profound realization: I have two, freakin' boys who are going to roughhouse for the rest of their lives probably. AH! It's fun... and kinda scary scary scary at the same time.

Anyway, add Ella Jenkins' "Jambo" blasting in the background, the lawnmower revving outside, and the fact that I went to sleep too late last night (so I was already very frazzled and worn) and VOILA - mother *loudly* announces nap time for all!

Thankfully, they all went down with nary a peep, which is almost always the case.

So now, here I sit.... enjoying my quiet..... sipping my tea, munchin on some kale chips. Typing.

Ooo, and I signed up for a doula workshop in October! I promise to write more on that all later.

For now, peace out.

a little on patience and discpline

2011-06-02T08:17:00.004-05:00

"The problem with patience and discipline is that it requires both of them to develop each of them."

(from the book The Practicing Mind)

I saw this on my friend Ryan's Facebook page and thought "Well, gee. If that's not the unfortunate reality of parenting!"

We parents, while trying to cultivate patience and self-discipline in our children, are at times having to strive just as hard (if not harder!) to cultivate those attributes in ourselves. And to top that off, one takes the honing of the other, and vice versa. It can be infuriating!

Oh, God, thank you for your ceaseless grace.....

supermom monday

2011-05-23T14:53:00.005-05:00

Oh, if only every day could be a supermom day....?

Alas.

I....

... woke up at 5. FIVE AM. AM meaning MORNING. That's right.

... made breakfast; a whole mess o' sweet potatoes (for Jonah and Olive); and two dinners (one for tonight, the other for tomorrow, I guess).

... cleaned the house (well, most of it) while the babies played (only two spats during that time!)

... started my planner for next year, when I plan to begin "schooling" Elijah.

... hung new photos on the wall.

... played tag.

... played hide-and-go-seek.

... played duck-duck-goose (which falls kinda flat on a bunch of wee ones who cannot run).

... defeated the dragon and saved princess Olive from (as Elijah put it) The Masked Retriever. ?.

... finally finished FIVE loads of clean laundry that had just been hanging out for, um, 3 days in baskets. Doh.

... put all the three kiddos down for naps (simultaneously) so I could go to my downstairs neighbor's porch and clean spilled almond milk off her lawn chairs and table (courtesy of Elijah).

... taped two books that had been ripped (courtesy of Olive).

... read devotions and journaled (a rarity in the morn).

... showered.

... cleaned one pee accident, one poop accident, and one barfy accident (all while maintaining composure, which is a huge step for me! :)

... baked Elijah's "poopy" (chocolate) cake. I never used treats when toilet-training, though I did say that once E began pooing in the toilet regularly, we would celebrate big time with a "poopy" cake (as he fondly calls it). So that yummy guy is baked, cooling, and ready for frosting.

... now, I am fiddle-faddling online. Muhaha.

... well, now I hear Olive cooing in her chair..... should probably get her, hmm?

Stay tuned for: Emili will be a doula sooner rather than later. It's been "re-front-burner-ized."

church nursery

2011-05-21T17:28:00.002-05:00

Reaching in for some booty.

Consequently, those shoes are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too big on him yet (they were Elijah's)

This is *seriously* the face I got when I said "Elijah, smile!" What a goose.

link-crazy

2011-05-19T21:58:00.003-05:00

I have been bookmarking articles and blogs like a mad-woman. And in case anyone out there is interested, I thought I'd share.

Things on....

Breastfeeding
http://www.drmomma.org/2011/02/joy-of-nursing-toddlers-photo-gallery.html

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/05/14/50-reasons-for-breastfeeding-anytime-anywhere/?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4dd2a536559812d1%2C0

Birthing
http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1311580/ode-to-midwifery-stories-and-images-celebrating-the-midwives-we-love

http://www.anktangle.com/2011/05/birth-works-on-meeting-ina-may-gaskin.html

Child-rearing
http://www.kellynaturally.com/post/If-Not-Spanking-Then-What.aspx

http://www.anktangle.com/2011/01/traveling-with-cloth-diapers.html

Education for the kiddos
http://www.montessoriforeveryone.com/Cultural-Materials_ep_61-1.html

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/05/pros-cons-homeschooling-christian-educatio/

Fun things for mama
http://www.poorgirleatswell.com/2011/05/recipe-red-quinoa-spring-herb-tabbouleh.html

the picture parade rolls on: wordless wednesday, nature walk

2011-05-18T14:10:00.007-05:00

Walking uncharted territory

He moves so fast these days - most pictures are blurry!

Running with sticks

Crawling in dirt

I love this picture so much. Even if Jonah is making his high-eyes...

Throwing rocks, watching ripples

bathroom humor

2011-05-13T20:29:00.004-05:00

I was sitting cross-legged in the living room. This is the convo I overhear:

Elijah [to daddy, who's in the bathroom]: What you doin'?

Daddy [standing up, doing his thing]: I'm going to the bathroom.

Elijah: Oh. Standin' up?

Daddy: Yep.

Elijah: I can go to the bathroom too.

Daddy: Yeah, you can. That's great!

Elijah: Yeah..... we're true men, daddy.

Daddy [laughing]: Oh we are?

Elijah: Yeah. We go to the bathroom like true men [big emphasis on true men]

I have no clue where the concept of "true men" came up, or how it was linked with one's ability to urinate.... no clue.... so I just laugh.

my morning nature walk

2011-05-13T14:21:00.007-05:00

I took the garbage out this morning. I walked slowly down the sidewalk. I breathed deep breaths. I deliberately walked through the puddles.

And I stopped beneath the gorgeous maple tree outside Elijah and Jonah's window. The trees 'round these parts sure have been slow to release their foliage, but this one has finally begun sprouting lovely, celadon leaflets.

Newly sprouted leaves are so beautiful - have you ever noticed? They're fresh and petite and brightly jade-shaded, bent tenderly on their stem. There are tiny white flowers near each leaf too, which you can't really notice unless you're right up under the canopy, looking closely.

The leaves and blooms look like jewelry, adorning the bare branches.

Soon, the leaves will be bigger, darker, matured and all anyone will notice of the tree will be it's "shade-appeal."

I prefer this transitional time - witnessing the slow shift from bare branches to new life.

get ready for the picture parade...

2011-05-11T15:59:00.002-05:00

I'll begin with these, and then I should probably start dinner and wake the boys.
These pictures are SOOC - I have too many pictures to care anymore! Suck it up...

Sporting his flip-out 'do. And staple drooly chin.

Showing off his pearly whites... and tongue. That's my little charmer.

Torn between the two worlds....

Throwing dried leaves off the balcony.

The view from our balcony - the bare-as-bones forest, readying to drink up the coming rain and blossom. Hopefully.

No rain for now. Nothing but wonderful, warm sun.

Ahhhhh. I want to bottle that smile.

And that one, too (even though it's a fake one)

good things about being sick...

2011-05-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

My babies are suffering at the hands of this year's second sickness. Blech.

Elijah is an absolute terror when sick; Jonah, oddly enough, is more pleasant when sick. Isn't that strange? He's a tish warm, has a nagging cough... but smiley, gregarious, mild-tempered. Hmm.

Last night was wretched. Up-down-up-down-up-down. Two, then three, then all four in one queen-sized bed - and then back to one (Jonathan) while I moved to cuddle on the couch with a nursing Jonah and a hot, flustered Elijah. Ah. And then MEGA mothering points to ME - Jonah fell OFF the couch. That cry was awful - so betrayed, so physically and emotionally hurt. I felt terrible (to say the absolute least). I was exhausted; he slipped through my tired, limp arms. It's not a horrendous fall for the average grown person, but for a small guy like him it's proportionate to me falling off the kitchen table. Ouch. So I forced myself awake to make sure he was alright. Pupils properly dilated? Limbs all bendable? Breathing alright? Bruising? Bumps? Bleeding? Everything was fine. Then I nursed him in the rocking chair from 4 until 6 AM when I finally decided to stop fighting the fact that 1 1/2 hours of sleep was all I was a'gettin' and embrace the day.

Ah, sleep. Maybe we can be friends tonight?

Anyway. The title of this post is "good things about being sick" so let me get to it.

"Sleeping in" with the boys, on the bed, watching mind-numbing amounts of Backyardigans/ Blue's Clues/ Dora the Explorer on the laptop.
Getting up around 11 and making a huge brunch. Whole grain pancakes with local honey and strawberries; kefir smoothies with blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries; chicken sausage with spinach and fontina cheese; and... Kix. Yeah, like that? Gourmet spread, and then.... KIX :)
Giving eucalyptus-rosemary-clove baths to the babies. The entire bathroom smelled wonderful, steamy and therapeutic. Brought instant calm to the boy's congestion. Hip hip hooray for good quality, therapeutic-grade essential oils!
Reading "too many" books - including 3/4 of Elijah newest fav - Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. Whew. That's a lot of poetry.
Time of sleeping-in/ watching shows/ reading books naturally bleeds into nap time. No "it's time for a nap!" It just... happens.
Nursing. Lots of nursing for Jonah. Makes me wish I still nursed Elijah, though when he is sick, like today, I manually express some of the golden liqueur and mix it in his juice. But I still miss the closeness nursing offered.
Popsicles. And juice. Ridiculous amounts of popsicles and delicious juice.

early saturday reflection

2011-05-07T05:53:00.005-05:00

The LORD's ceaseless love envelopes me, and his mercies never come to an end; rather they pour out fresh every morning! God's faithfulness is vast and sure. God's faithfulness is great.

My adaptation from Lamentations 3:22-23

I am cleaning Mija's house today. Mija, the woman with beautiful smiling eyes and a kindly heart; the woman who watched her husband suffocate from cancer five years ago; the woman who has suffered a loss so cutting and who has no doubt been in the valley; the woman who continues to praise God's name in a way so grace-filled and genuine it knocks my socks off every time I speak with her.

She admits struggling with some of the same things I struggle with, as a parent - though I cannot see her being impatient or raising her voice (she has probably the softest, sweetest voice I've ever heard!) So we're in that together. She is an inspiration and a fellow pray-er.

God has placed her in my life at a very appropriate time - just another vast, sure mercy.

blue moon shakes, walks in the moonlight - God reminds me he's there

2011-05-05T14:56:00.015-05:00

(Sorry for this post's quick shift in tones - this had started off as a lighthearted and indulgent post, but as I wrote I realized I had something more substantial to share. Written on Thursday morning/ afternoon.)

Last night, after all the hub-bub of the day had sunk into history, I grabbed my super comfy gauchos, with a laugh told Jonathan I was going on "a journey to find myself", and drove...

to the tanning salon.

That's right. I went... TANNING. Oh, the humanity.

I have honestly not been tanning since our wedding five years ago, and even when I did it "regularly" that was about once every other month, if that. I always just enjoyed the enclosed, warm, sunlight-capsule that is the tanning bed. I love the subtle smell of coconut-y lotion and the zen-like sounds of fountains plinking in the background. I love the crazy goggles.

So into the tanning salon I marched. Spurred on by the immense need to simply chillax.

I tanned for 8 minutes. Eight minutes of sheer warmth - like a giant, all-encompassing bear hug. I tried what's called red light therapy, which is supposed to be "better" than the "other" kind of tanning, but I have not researched it thoroughly. I ascertain that it's all bad. Bad to the bone. And oh so wonderful.

After my guilty indulgence, I drove to Kohl's to use a gift card. I found a very pretty, airy top for 10 bucks. Perfect for summer.

On my way home, I swung by Toucan Custard to get a blue moon shake, and then I headed for the river edge. I sipped the cotton-candy-blue concoction, prayed, and walked. Walked alone. Not babywearing anyone. Not running after anyone. Not guiding anyone. Just guiding myself along the moonlit path and placid river. It was a perfect evening of solitude...

And while I walked, I looked up and asked, as I do so often after days of frustration, God, why the heck can parenting be so, so ridiculously tough sometimes? Am I a wuss? I'm just a wuss, right? I can't see the Proverbs 31 woman acting the way I did today - impatient, short. She would have kicked today's arse, that's what she woulda done. I really suck at this parenting thing!! I have no friggin clue what I'm doing.... Can you just make me wise, STAT? Can you just pour infinite patience into my being?.......

Tears. All the questions from this human mother, pouring out into the dark sky.

I sipped the last of my shake, and headed back to the car. I thought to myself that tanning is nice. New blouses and blue shakes are nice. Walking alone is so nice. But, pretty things and indulgences are not my life, and they're not weighted in anything everlasting. I am a mother, and sometimes it's tough. But what I'm doing now will last.

In the midst of the tough, can I still think being a mom is nice? Can I still sing glory to God when my children are all hanging on my apron strings and barfing and pooping and hitting each other and being rude, etc etc ETC!!!.......? Dudes. It's hard. It's darn hard. I feel like such a complainer - a wuss. I love my children with a fiery love that could never be quenched no matter how many defiant NO'S! or tantrums or whatever.... but it's hard sometimes to just live day to day with them. I'm supposed to raise these people?? Into decent civilians? Into followers of God? SAY WHAT?! I feel so green, so inept, so clueless....

Back in the quiet confines of my car, I reminded myself that God's grace is sufficient. I reminded myself of the lovely Isaiah passage: "...He gently leads those who have young..." For the first months of Elijah's life, I had that verse held by magnets on my refrigerator, a reminder that - although I was overtired and anxious about parenthood - God was always there, guiding my steps. Those words have resonated in my soul ever since motherhood first came to me, ebbing back during moments of utter vexation as to how I am supposed to parent children into adults.

I drove home, feeling better, clearer-headed. Breathing. Knowing that I still did not understand why and how, and knowing that days like this one just witnessed would rear again. God's at work, I know that; but it stings - oh, how it stings! Even though days like this exist, I know He is present and listening and pointing me to Truth. Amidst the NO'S and tantrums, amidst the feelings of ineptness.

I parked the car. I came upstairs, talked with my Beloved for a moment, and then went into the boy's room. I kissed them and prayed over their little heads, and apologized for my impatience that day. More tears. They were sleeping, though stirred when I cuddled them close. Jonah fully roused and wanted to nurse. So we did that - I rocked in the rocking chair, nursing and humming.

***

The morning dawned after a deep night slumber. Early, Olivia had rejoined us, and all three children were playing *contentedly* on the carpet. Thank ya, Jesus.

As I sat on the couch and read A Holy Experience, Providence would cause a smile to stretch my lips wide. The post I read: For the Mother Who Fears Failure. I read, and was instantly moved.

It was written for me. A mother who fears screwing up. Fears big time.

If there is a singular sentence in this piece that really struck me about parenthood (and specifically, motherhood) it's this: Motherhood does not require, thankfully, perfection. It simply requires commitment and humility.

Commitment and humility.

I try so hard to do things perfectly, so when I have a day like THAT where nothing is fluid, and instead I feel like I'm wading through piranha-infested peanut butter, I freak. I hate it. I get all hot and sweaty and potty-mouthed. I flight, not fight.

What should I do to let this deeply embedded drive for perfection in parenting go? I want to do this right. GOD! Obviously! They're my children! Come on!

I know that I'm committed to my little ones, but perhaps humility needs to find me more often, for I usually feel that I can do this parenting thing on my own strength. I feel that I need to. I need to prove to myself that parenting is no. big. deal. It's natural. It's holy. It's awesome.

And it is natural, holy, awesome. But we are flawed.

I need to relinquish the pride... I need to admit that I don't know what I'm doing sometimes and I need to accept help from others. I need to post posts like this that read, "Hello! Please! Dump on the words of encouragement! Pray for me!" or say to a friend, "Hey, hey! I could use extra hands around the house today!"

You know?

And above all else, I need to continually remind myself (and have others remind me) that God is at work, firing this lump of coal into a precious rock. He's readying me for my eternal home - and again, how it can sting. I read this quote a few weeks back, and have since popped it up on my trusty fridge as a reminder of that very fact: The furnace may be hot, but not only can I trust the Hand that lights the fire, I can also have the assurance the fire will not consume but only refine....

In the meantime: motherhood is nuts. It's the most blissful, beautiful, rewarding, crazy, messy, dramatic, up-and-down blessing/ workyourBUTToffORDEAL EVER in all the history of all the world.

Would I trade it? Absolutely not. But I still need help, prayers, hugs. Every mama does...

all in all, a not great day

2011-05-04T19:14:00.003-05:00

Good things about today:

Got some much-needed color on my forearms and cheeks
Babies are in bed early!

CRAP things about today:

Walks to the park with three babies three years old and under is not recommended for any one person

All three children will for sure start crying all at once at some point along the journey - and you will feel helpless as other moms stare at you, thinking you're some psycho who can't handle parenthood
At one point, while you're preoccupied with two, at least one other baby will try to ingest wood chips
While you're fishing out aforementioned wood chips from babe's mouth, another babe will fall off the swing
You will deal with at least 1, 532, 230 tantrums when it comes time to leave the park
Headache will ensue, and you'll wish to GOD ALMIGHTY that teleportation was real and that you could just beam yourself straight back home

I stepped on a piece of glass in my kitchen (better me then Elijah or Jonah, but still. Ouch)
Too many bugs in my living space
Burnt my tongue on bean soup
And phooey, Jonah just woke up. Soooo, never mind about the babies being in bed early thing. That was just me being naive. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CRAP!!

what is a doula?

2011-05-03T22:07:00.003-05:00

Ever since expressing interest in becoming a doula, that is the #1 question I am asked.

What the heck is a doula?

Here's a lovely little snippet from Peaceful Parenting about what a doula does do and does not do (oo, lotsa d's).

And this site has warmed my heart many-a-time: http://thisiswhatadoulalookslike.tumblr.com/. Knowing that these ladies are awesome baby-and-mama-loving advocates who represent something as complex and beautiful as pregnancy and birth is encouraging. It spurs me on....

Happy International Doula Month :)

memorable quotes from today

2011-05-02T19:44:00.010-05:00

"Fight terrorists, wherever they be found; but why you not bombing Tim McVeigh's hometown? You can say what you want, propaganda television, but all bombing is terrorism. Chase down all our enemies; we can bring them to their knees. We can bomb the world to pieces; but we can't bomb it into peace." - Michael Franti, Bomb the World, cited by Amy Becker

"Remember when we killed Saddam and all violence in Iraq stopped?" - cited by Rob Ouwehand on Melissa's FB wall

"Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked," declares the Lord God, "and not rather that he should turn from his way and live?" - God's Word, Ezekiel 18:23, cited by my dad and numerous others

"The end of terrorism might begin with us taking responsibility for our own actions. It's not a last-man-standing game. It's a first-side-to-come-to-their-senses-and-stop-killing game." - Herman Fields

"... bin Laden dying is just another loss in a string of violent sadness that loops back through history ad infinitum. That story that he is solely to blame and that no one is safe until he is dead [and everyone is safe afterwards] is a lie. It's simplistic. It's insulting. He was a person. Made in the image of God. He had value. Jesus died for him, too. It is sad that he has died a violent death at the hands of another human being, and insulting to his family and friends that we celebrate it. And that will perpetuate more violence, I am certain of it." - Melissa Vose

i grew up with four sisters and a brother, and most people thought THAT was nutso

2011-05-02T11:55:00.005-05:00

Last night at Bible study, we were going around mentioning people who we looked up to, who exuded a certain "hero/ heroine" aspect.

There have been many, many people who I would consider "heros" - people I've never met (Mother Teresa, Ina May Gaskin) and people who are close and dear (my parents, my sisters, my husband, lovely people at Crossroads, Mija Smith).

And another, well, "group" of people popped into my mind. It's as general as all get out, but: I have such immense respect for the parents of big families. We know several in Michigan, a couple of which went to Crossroads; they were wonderful mentors and basically emboldened us to consider coming off birth control and handing "womb-matters" over to the Lord. They were beautiful people, and their children were even-keeled, lovely, regenerate human beings. There was something so inspiring and magnetic about them.

My sister Ashley has married into a rather large family, too. The Schwartens would probably be my first brush with "big family" when I was growing up. Six of the children are biological, and the rest (what is it now? 8 or 9... and counting!) have been adopted from the inner city. I have always, always been encouraged by that, and it's that whole scene that formed my desire to someday adopt (though it's still a far-off-in-the-future dream).

To be completely honest, the whole concept of "big family" used to scare the crap out of me. So big, so loud, no privacy, no quiet, no money, bean and spam casseroles every night.......! Sense the over-dramatics. But the older I get and the more I grasp the importance of family and the love that typically pours from that circle, the more I think "Golly, I want more children. They are a blessing. Yeah, sure the kids I have right now make me want to pull my ears off at times cue over-dramatics again BUT, they bring more joy than not. They are my children, my flesh and blood, my legacy. I want more!" Though, and may the record show, I am not into thinking SO far down the road as to say "We're having 12 kids!" Who the heck knows?

But anyway, all that to say, I want more kids. Sooner than later.... perhaps....? Especially since. Well. Jonathan got "the look" last night as we were driving home. The "we should have more babies" look. The look that generally crosses the female's face first. The look that, had he made it a month ago, I would've been on that boat wholeheartedly... but as of today, I have a list of concerns and whatnot about doing this NOW. I'm feeling compelled to wait still. Just wait, and do some things that need to be done, and then jump back on top of the horse - figuratively speaking, of course.

Apparently, me saying something about my admiration of large families got him all whimsical for more. *sigh*

i'm no good at the politics of it....

2011-05-02T09:46:00.005-05:00

Hug O' War

I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins.

I love Shel Silverstein. I had come across this poem a few weeks back while reading with the boys, and I dog-eared the page.

Today seemed like a fitting enough day to place it.

bust out your barf bags

2011-04-29T21:57:00.020-05:00

Ok. I have a story of unsurpassed grossness.

All the wolf spiders I've combated in the last month? Mere child's play. I would rather take on an army of mace-wielding wolf spiders than repeat what happened to me this afternoon.

Are you ready for this?

And be totally impressed that I had time to whip up these kick-A graphics.

AND believe me, the story is not over-dramatized at all. At. All.

This is me in my awesome orange apron, singing. I was making a yummy dish that we've had a couple times now - penne, chicken, and broccoli in a tomato cream sauce. Here I am, quickly rinsing the broccoli, which was Earthbound Organic brand and wrapped a jallion times in plastic.

As I was preparing the tomato cream sauce, I was jamming to some Coldplay and poppin' tasty little florets into my mouth. See above.

When the time came for me to add the florets into the sauce, I started picking them up, peeling back any discolored bits, and gently placing them in the pot of bubbly tomato cream.

However, I only got 3 or 4 florets in when I discovered something absolutely horrific.

Something was moving. In the broccoli. And not just one thing moving. A whole mess o' thangs moving.

Upon closer examination, I discovered ity-bity clustered NESTS of gray APHIDS.

Magnified 1,000X.

Let me reiterate this one more time: not just one or even a couple of aphids. I mean a whole, stinking SLEW of aphids. All over the broccoli, up in the dark green flowers. Moving slowly and oh so disgustingly.

I froze. I just about died. I looked in the sauce. The florets that I had tossed in there ALSO HAD APHIDS ON THEM. They blended in so scarily well with the color of the broccoli, that I had not even noticed.

How. Awful.

Me. Googly-eyed. Quietly muttering swears at myself. Wanting to barf my guts out.

I'm fairly certain that, with the density of aphids I saw on the remaining florets, I ingested some of these gray little buggers when I was jammin' and poppin' and munchin'.

SO. I've been drinking water like it's going out of style, in fear that the aphids will crawl back up my esophagus, or somehow survive in my stomach acid and lay eggs in my intestines.

GAH.

Someone please tell me this is impossible. Please?
*Goosebumps on my goosebumps*

Isn't this something else?! It's almost enough to make me scream "PLEASE spray my broccoli with every fungicide, pesticide, herbicide, and larvacide ya can get yo' hands on!" I guess this is the price you pay for organic sometimes....? I mean, I once was in the car, eating organic celery right off the heart, and a big box elder bug fell out. I was wigged a bit, but not to this extent. I could handle one bug. But a whole army of aphids?

Mmmmmm no thank ye.

juicy juice

2011-04-27T22:28:00.003-05:00

Organic peach juice
+
Frozen mango chunks
+
Frozen chopped spinach
+
Splash of sparkling water
=
Yummy, refreshing little ditty I like to call "special peachy juice."

My boys love it! And it's so pretty looking - light orange with tiny flecks of green. Try and enjoy!

things that made me smile today

2011-04-27T18:22:00.005-05:00

*Ever since Sunday, Elijah's been greeting me every morning with "Happy Easter, Mama! Jesus is alive!" or some variation of that. It's really sweet.

*I fell asleep with the boys this afternoon on my bed - it was the perfect afternoon for sleeping together, since it's rainy and gloomy. I slept funkily on my arm and it had an indentation on it when I awoke. Elijah, concerned about my "scar", kissed it three times and said, "Aw, mom, I 'ope you feel betta soon."

*Jonah blew a mouth bubble. And when it popped, he laughed.

*I kept "escaping" Jonah (who has been nursing SO much lately - those three new teeth are making a tortuously slow entrance into his mouth, and J's not diggin' it one bit). Here's the game: I would go lie down on the couch, and Jonah would pursue me and start whining (he does this all the time when I'm not reclining with him - the sight of me relaxing is just too appalling for him, I suppose!!). Once he would start whining, I would hop up and run into another room. He would instantly stop whining, utterly surprised at my response, and turn around and crawl to find me. We did this over and over, so what happened was I basically kept getting five minute naps and I got to play part in Jonah's first hide-and-go-seek game - best of both worlds, eh? And don't worry - I wasn't leaving him alone to cry. He only cries when he sees me. Usually, once I'm out of sight, I'm out of his mind. So he'll start looking again, and as soon as he spots me, his little face reddens and his voice gets sharp (like he's scolding me). It's too funny. And I love, love, love the sight and sound of him coming around the corner. It's amazing that he crawls. To God be the glory!

*The boys sat on the counter and played in oatmeal while I made no-bake cookies. Mmmm. Those things are deadly. Butter, cocoa, sugar. And oatmeal - that makes them healthy, right?

*Jon came home.

*Package in the mail. Montessori play mats for the boys.

*Jonah's 6 month evaluation with the Birth to Three Program took place today, with our service coordinator and physical therapist. Both were in absolute awe of Jonah's progression. Six months ago he could barely sit on his own or lift his head off the ground. Now, he's pulling himself up to standing, crawling like a crazed lunatic, and vocalizing *so much* more (which we were concerned with at first, but it's all good!) He astounds me.

*Despite the craptastic weather, the grass is getting greener.

*Despite the craptastic weather, I wore a pretty and crazy-ruffly skirt.

*In an attempt to marry Good Friday and Earth Day last week, we planted herbs in terra cotta pots - sweet basil and parsley, the beginnings of our garden. Planting something in soil was to be symbolic of two things: 1) new life the earth is able to cultivate, and how we as stewards should care for it, and 2) new life in Christ because of what he accomplished on the cross. Anyway, the herbs sprouted yesterday. This morning, I put the green sprouts on the windowsill in our living room to see if they would catch any light peeking through the cloud cover. Wouldn't you know - the sprouts actually bent toward the window, as if reaching to grab any sunlight they could. The little stems and leaves look like begging hands, "Please sun! Come and give us light!"

good, good friday

2011-04-22T10:10:00.005-05:00

I needed to read this before this weekend commenced. Jes is an old friend from Cornerstone, and she is quite insightful. Read up - thoughts?

In our culture, we want to quickly gloss over pain and struggle in life, skipping straight to the part where we praise God for delivering. But it is in recognizing and living through pain that we are able to see - and genuinely appreciate - the sweetness of victory.

Today, we remember His sacrifice. St. Paul gloried in nothing but the cross. It was that cross - a symbol of suffering and death - that granted us beauteous freedom. Let's not forget it. Let's drink into it. Let's remember our Lord on this day and His suffering on our behalf.

natural egg dyes - for the lighter side of easter weekend

2011-04-22T07:38:00.006-05:00

I've never been to Outpost, a natural foods store that has three locations in the greater Milwaukee area. But somehow I received this newsletter a few years back, and have been using it's ideas for the last two. Last year, I made some vibrantly shaded eggs using the tumeric (deep yellow), grape juice (bluish purple), and red onion (pale celadon) methods. I think I'll do those again this year, as well as some beets (magenta red).

on the eve of earth day

2011-04-21T20:43:00.007-05:00

My dear friend from Michigan, Michelle, maintains a website called Open Eye Health. Hop over and check it out! That's where I learned how to make kombucha and homemade yogurt, and about why it's important to buy olive oil in dark glass bottles or chew your food slowly. It's a treasure trove of wonderfully healthy, green tips for living, eating, and being.

One of her more recent posts was all about tips for greener living and I thought since it is the eve of Earth Day, I would pass along the goodness.

Many of the things she writes about we employ in our household.

1. I made a dozen or so neat shopping bags out of old t-shirts of mine. I use those when we shop for groceries, and they work out fantastically.

2. For the last four years, we've been eating exclusively organic produce, and are now working on "organic-izing" our meats. There's a farm - KT Organics - that we've bought from a couple times, but they are, of course, pricey. So most times we either simply buy the organic selection from the grocers down the road, or just experiment with more vegetarian dishes. We're all about local produce when the season is right, which unfortunately - in Wisconsin - is only from June to September. You better believe that when those farmer's markets are open, I am there, baby. I love those markets. Handmade soaps, fresh fruits and veggies that still have dirt on them, warm sweet kettle corn, adorable knit dolls and scarves and purses. Oh, man. Soon! They open soon!!

3. No water bottles here, only our Britta pitcher, which admittedly needs an upgrade. At some point, I would love to get an on-faucet filter, instead of the pitcher, but it works well for now. I would not drink West Bend's water without a filter, that's fo sho.

4. I'm sorta embarrassed to say we only stared recycling in the past year. We've also been trying to make it a point to reuse as much stuff as possible - glass and plastic containers for leftover storage; egg cartons, small yogurt cups, and toilet paper rolls for kid's crafts; net bags for potatoes, lemons and limes. It's all really easy and rewarding, trying to find new uses for old things! Composting is beginning this summer, with the attempt of my first garden on our balcony. I purchased seeds for tomatoes, cucumbers, and bell peppers, as well as several herbs - parsley, rosemary, mint, and sweet basil. So excited to do this with the kids!

5. As for cleaning products, we've completely weeded out any chemical-laden products and replaced them with simple water-based, essential oil-based, homemade products. Baking soda and an old toothbrush are seriously my best friends when it comes to cleaning. And no more paper towels. Actually, I cannot even remember the last time we bought paper towels. The solution: three of Jonathan's old shirts sliced up and sewn into nice sized cloths, the perfect texture for cleaning windows and counter tops. Perfecto. Also, no more dryer sheets. We use Norwex dryer balls, and I've been making my own woolen dryer balls. Great stuff!

6. As for transportation, it's not always convenient having one car, but we make it work. It's cheaper for gas, for insurance, and forces us to do things within means. I walk to the grocer's at least twice a week, when the weather is favorable. We walk to the park and library in the summer time, about 1-2 miles away. It's just nicer, strolling about, getting fresh air and utilizing those muscles. I do so wish we had bikes and a bike trailer in the back for the kids. Someday. I do miss the public transportation of Grand Rapids. They had a very competent, well-oiled means of transporting folks all over the city and beyond. I find that in the smaller parts of Wisconsin, they lack in this area. Not like we need to take a bus all the time, but it would be nice to have the option.

7. Jonathan has his little lunchbox he takes to work. I feel like a mother packing lunch for a schoolboy every morning! We have two sandwich containers and one sturdy soup container that he uses, in lieu of zippy bags or plastic bowls. He packs up an old set of metal cutlery and a cloth napkin, and he's set.

8. The last thing we're working on resides in the area of hygiene. This has been the slowest of all transitions, interestingly enough. We went from Crest toothpaste to Tom's propolys and myrrh, then I went from Dove deodorant to Tom's fresh apricot (I like Tom's, can you tell?!), then natural body wash, shampoo, shavers, makeup etc. Jon has yet to jump on board with all this stuff.

But seriously, this stuff should be taken in stride. To me, the journey unfolds best when it's deliberate and gradual. Learn! Try new things! See what works for you and your family. Better your life for yourself today, and for those around you in the future.

Some things I want to continue to strive for: not using my washing machine and dryer as much. I use that thing A LOT. Since we went full-time cloth diapers back in February, it's a ton of that, plus, you know, children just generate a boatload of laundry ALL. THE. TIME. So I guess, looking for larger loads, a little soap, and hang drying. Man, I wish apartments had dryer lines....

I want to start unplugging things that are not being used - lights, appliances, etc.

Conserving water, too - making sure it's not running while brushing teeth, not flushing the toilet all the time (if it's yellow let it mellow; if it's brown flush it down!), taking short showers or showers every other day.

And finally, not wasting food. Waste not, want not - a mentality that I feel has been tossed aside in the midst of a booming always-get-what-you-need-or-want society. I am so guilty of letting things go to waste. I need to be more intentional when it comes to using every resource to it's fullest.

jonah

2011-04-21T14:36:00.002-05:00

new blog and a moving poem

2011-04-20T11:19:00.007-05:00

Yesterday, my mom turned me on to this blog, A Holy Experience. I've enjoyed reading bits of it - she's a beautiful writer.

Here's a poem she published this morning. Simple, moving, beautiful. Enjoy.

***

In a similar vein, yesterday the children and I watched a cartoon version of the Easter story on the laptop while we baked cookies for our neighbor who has just had knee surgery. The movie was superbly done: the message was clear, and it was milder for the children's sake, as far as the death of Jesus was concerned. Which I don't believe the maliciousness of Jesus' death should ever be brushed aside, but seriously - I'm not showing The Passion of Christ to a 16-month old and three-year old. Uh, hello.

And another seriously: things could stand to be toned down for my Elijah, who already has a propensity for the more, er, violent things in life. Not that he is down right vile, but he's certainly a little boy who loves to karate kick the air and throw heavy objects. Aside from being genuinely pleased with Jesus' resurrection and "Mary bein' so happy", he clung to the scene with Peter slashing off the guard's ear in the garden. He reenacted it seven times or so that afternoon. I kept saying variations of, "That's not the point! Jesus healed him! Jesus wants us to be peaceful and kind, for if you live by the sword, you'll die by the sword!"

All he heard was blah blah blah. He kept slash slash slashin' away. What the heck.

it's 'bout time: an update on the boys

2011-04-19T08:42:00.010-05:00

Elijah (3 years 3 months)

To acknowledge the fact that I have a THREE YEAR OLD living under my roof baffles me. At times, it's all chill acknowledgment: "Oh yeah, that redheaded ball of fire is mine. It's all good." Other times it's borderline panic: "Whoa WHOA! THAT vibrant little tornado-boy is MINE?! I don't think so. You CUH-raaazy, people."

Either way, it's grateful, humbled reflection on my part. You keep me on my toes, indeed.

This season is rife with challenges, victories, changes - constantly twirling in easy ways, in wisdom-bestowing ways, in tough ways - for both of us. You're growing physically and mentally and, I dare say, spiritually. Your father and I often compare you to a teenager stuck in a small child's body! Your mannerisms, your attitude, the way you talk - it's all becoming more and more refined with the days. It's incredible to see.

You know your alphabet, your numbers up to 20, the planets (including poor, neglected Pluto), and a good number of songs (from Jesus Loves Me to Vampire Weekend's Blake's Got a New Face). You are very knowledgeable about animals (as a matter of fact, one of your favorite books right now is a frickin' encyclopedia entitled Bible Animals - you have me "read" it all the time!). You know most sounds animals make - and if you're unsure, you either ask or make up something hilarious. You adore God's creation, and are endlessly curious about the world around, always eager to soak up knowledge.

You have learned your way around the toilet! On March 2, I was swaying Jonah for his morning nap, facing out into the hallway where your toilet is, when you came bounding around the corner, pulled down your pants, sat and peed. The look on your face was astounding - accomplished and so pleased. And I was overcome with emotion, sobbing like a crazed lunatic! I was beaming proud. After a few days of no successes it was very refreshing to my weary-mama-soul to see how independent you were in that moment. I ended up waking Jonah with all my jumping and dancing and hollering! As of now, you are fully "toileted" at home. We're still working on at night toileting and out-and-about toileting. Oh yeah, and you hate wearing underwear - so eventually, we'll have to work on not going commando. For now, it's a'ight.

Back to speaking of independent: you are very much just that. You help yourself to apples or yogurt from the fridge if you're hungry. You choose your clothes in the morning. You put on your own socks and shoes. You take off your own coat, and you're still practicing putting it on and zippering it yourself. You unpeel your own bananas, which is quite impressive.

You love matching games, puzzles, Play-do, paints, and your wooden blocks. You're really into building towers and bowling them over with your yellow dump truck and bulldozer. Just recently you got into Moon Sand and like to rake it in my old wooden zen garden. You love your Word Whammer Fridge Phonics, and will probably be spelling independently in a matter of months. I'm not saying that to be prideful. It's just a fact - you have your father's memory and knack for learning!

You say the funniest things. I really should start carrying around a notepad and pencil. "You shouldn't be afwaid because Jesus keeps you safe from the buildin's [after building a SWEET skyscraper with blocks, and then kicking it down with your little foot]." "I love you, Mama - and cereal [breakfast time wooings]." "Oh, I don't know about those things [response to me telling you it's time for nap]." "You crack me OUT [should be UP, and you always say this while laughing and dramatically smacking your knee]!" "That's a lot of lettuce!" -- You say that last one all. the. time. and it unwaveringly gets your father and me in stitches. It's all in how you say it, and we have no idea where you got it from... hmm.

Your favorite things to consume are: WATERMELON (or really any type of melon), Kashi Honey Sunshine, strawberries, kefir, hummus with carrots, celery with sunbutter, anything chocolatey (just like your mama), Mama's mashed potatoes and homemade chicken nuggets, clementines, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, bell peppers, and you haven't met a soup your didn't heartily scarf down (except for my mushroom barley - which, honestly, was pretty gross; you're off the hook for that one). You do not like sweet potatoes (I have no clue WHY!), beef, or quinoa (bummer).

You sleep very well, usually in your own bed, but you've gone to the couch a couple times. I remember, as a child, being inexplicably comfortable on the couch too. You've actually been in our bed the past couple nights, I think because there have been some changes in life, with toilet learning and meeting lots of new people, like Jasmine and Connor (new friends around the apartment complex). Lots of change = the need for a little more of a comforting environment while you slumber. I love snuggling with you; please never feel intrusive or unwelcomed!

I must say, you are a terrible sick person. I mean who's not, really? But you're all dramadramadrama. As your mother and main nurturer, I cannot say anything right, I cannot do anything right... nothing is right when you are under the weather! I feel so powerless, unable to calm your flaming temperament. Admittedly, I usually just pop you in bed with a glass full of homemade mango-apple-banana smoothie and a laptop full of Blue's Clues DVDs. Then you're set :)

You are in Children's Church and Sunday School. You love both classes (well, on most Sundays) and have such a thirst to know about this "Jesus" your dad and I always speak of. You ask to have your Picture Bible with you in bed every night you fall asleep. You leaf through it on your own, pointing out Pharaoh or Abraham or John the Baptist. You're becoming well acquainted with the inspired stories within, having a special love for the passage of the Israelites through the Red Sea and Jesus' string of miracles. When it comes to Jesus' death on the cross, you say, "This is a sad story." When he is raised from the tomb, you exclaim, "He waised from the TOMB!" I pray for you every day, that this beautiful childlike faith will always remain in tact - and if anything, grow in intensity! - and that you would love the Lord with your entire being. I pray that, with God's help, you would love other people ferociously and endlessly, and give what you can to help those less fortunate. I pray that you would be bold, yet peaceful. And I pray, pray, pray that your father and I could be role models for such! Such a huge undertaking, but we have a merciful God. May he do great things through you, my little Tomato.

****

Jonah (16 months)

You, my sweet darling, are getting big. I look at you and have to do a double take - I cannot wrap my head around how you've grown, especially in the past few months. You sit so well now, pulling yourself to sitting with ease, rocking in and out of sitting to crawling stance and back again. Four months ago, this was not so, but with your amazing therapists and their patience and guidance, you have flourished and strengthened your core. You crawl now too (as of March 27!) which to simply think of those first ambles forward, tears gather in my eyes. I think of when your brother first crawled: it was exciting and amazing and another leaf turning over for him! But when you first crawled - after 15 months of waiting and wondering will it ever actually happen? and then SEEING it happen - it was mind-blowing. I could not have been more thrilled. Definitely a moment that is forever emblazoned in my mind.

You make the sweetest laughing sounds - soft, happy squeeeee!'s or short, fast, grunty AH!'s, or this silly inhaling/ exhaling thing where you're getting excited. You put your arms and legs out in front of you and uncontrollably twirl your chubby hands and feet. You look like a small helicopter about to take flight.

You love blocks, books, and things that rattle when you shake them. You love the yellow stuffed pelican Grandpa Pond gave you for Christmas. You love my gigantic bin of colorful cookie cutters. Now that you crawl, the independence is rolling in as far as you obtaining your own toys when you want them. Tire of a toy you have? You move on to the book case or stuffed animal bin and choose your weapon. Mama, although terribly happy to get you what you need or want, is certainly thankful that you are striding toward self-sufficiency :)

You are a wee pickier than your brother, though I remember Elijah being fairly picky around your age. I believe it all boils down to you just not liking certain textures of food, which has me reaching for the food mill more often. No biggie. You only eat beans or meat if they are finely pureed. You love carrots, apple sauce, yogurt, scrambled eggs with spinach, any soup, crackers with sunbutter, kefir (you always want to steal your brother's). You abhor cheese! You do get tired with solid food fast. Like, weirdly fast. Three, four bites. Then everything's on the floor. I think that's because you love (and know you'll get) Mama's milk, which you still drink upwards of 10 times a day. You are a breast-feeding champ, I tell ya. Elijah and I had mutually weaned in August of 2009, when he was 19 months. You're now 16 months, and there is no sign of you slowing down, Boy! Though, I wonder if that might change slightly once you're moving around more. We shall see.

You loooooove music! I remember, when we lived with Grandma and Papa Wood, I would turn their TV to station 964 - the classical music channel - and you loved it. You would sleep for hours with those tunes blasting in the background. Now, you have been introduced to a wide array of music. You always bounce and rock to it, no matter the genre. You love your piano.

You go crazy for trees. It's strange, but laugh-inducing for me. We'll be outside on a walk, we'll pass a tree and you'll FLIP. Just FLIP. You laugh the most intense, deep laugh and get all rigid. Your smiles stretches clear across from ear to ear. You reach out to touch it. You want to be up in that tree, free and alive. I love this. You have a similar reaction when you see Christmas lights or exit signs. You're a hoot.

At night, you sleep.... alright. My little babe, for the past 5 or so months, you have been all about your own space. You are a wretched co-bedder, which saddens me. You'll nurse, then fall asleep for two minutes, then awaken and roll all over, inevitably smacking your dad in the face (which terribly annoys him when he's asleep - you're dad's a nutcase when he's asleep!). OR you just get flammin' upset and flail - so I end up getting smacked, too. Your crib across the hall is prime locale. You're still close enough so that I hear every peep you make. You've been waking once or twice a night for the past 2 months. I don't really mind; I'm certain your cutting two bottom teeth (7 and 8) and perhaps one top one (9). You're also growing and experiencing a ton of change, so I should expect you want extra cuddles. As I said to your brother, you are more than welcome to extra cuddles. But seriously! Come in my bed for those extra cuddles, so I can at least sleep a little more! *nudge nudge*

You look adorable in all colors. You have this purple shirt with a gray and mustard yellow dinosaur on it. This shirt, for some reason, just looks absolutely charming on you. Purple accentuates your gray-green eyes.

You point to the rainbow array of paper lanterns hanging in your room and say "ba" (ball). You also say Mama (which can either mean more, milk, of Mama), Dada, 'Lija, upah (up), kiki (kitty cat), momo (meow, meow), ligh (light). You sign a lot more than Elijah had in the beginning (more, milk, please, yes, no). It's pretty nifty watching your little mind work behind those eyes.

And those eyes - your nystagmus has good days and bad days: good days meaning your eyes are steady and focused, bad days meaning they're wandering - which usually happens more often when you're tired or under the weather. Your glasses are off-the-hook cute, and you keep them on... usually.

I pray for you, Jonah, much like I pray for you brother - for boldness, sincerity, peace, faithfulness. You have such an intense personality, full of passion for life. I pray for your passion to be centered on Christ as you grow, that you would use your talents - or crosses - for his glory. You have inspired me, my dear child. You work so hard, and focus so deeply during your therapies. You have grown so much in the past few months. To God be the glory! Always remember, it is he who sustains us. In him we live and move and have our being.

I am so thankful for you, my little Spud.

totally unwarranted and random

2011-04-17T12:41:00.002-05:00

I have the words circumvent and bounce stuck in my head. Weird.

therapy sessions

2011-04-15T22:32:00.005-05:00

Drooly chin. A Jonah staple.

Gah. Love. Him.

Who, me?

Stacking his wooden bowls.

Standing! The first real weight he could put on his legs.

Hard to believe that two weeks later, he would be crawling and getting into everything!

Ms. Suzie is my favoritest therapist! We're great buds.

bright, blue eyes

2011-04-15T22:14:00.004-05:00

"I love going outside!"

coming together in prayer

2011-04-15T10:05:00.007-05:00

Sad news.

I had worked with this man for about two months while interning at our Crossroads Bible Church four years ago. Derek was infectiously kind and open, had invited Jonathan and I over for dinner one night even though he barely knew us. Both he and his wife, Charity, were passionate for God. And I mean passionate. I remember how they loved and served endlessly....

Please, please be in prayer for Charity and her surviving daughters, Ella and Johanna. They were actually out of town, and now have to fly back home knowing their husband/ father and son/ brother are elsewhere. And even though that elsewhere is a good, good place, it's still difficult to navigate through loss while on earth.

hummus

2011-04-10T15:14:00.005-05:00

I love their hummus! Now I discover their commercials are pretty entertaining, too.

"YOU are wife?" Ha. Silly Yiayia.

sunny-day

2011-04-10T12:50:00.005-05:00

I CANNOT STAND THIS WEATHER!!! It's too FrEaKiNg GoRgeOuS!

Went into church - dreary, cloud-covered morning.

Came out of church - sunny, sunny goodness! And warm! Oh my heavens.

The only thing I don't care for that accompanies this weather is the insurgence of the bugs. Ick. I have ker-splooshed three (YES, THREE!) big. black. hairy. gross. wolf spiders in the past week. It may be accurate to say that I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown. If I see one more, gosh darn it.... *cringe*

I do not wish to instill my fear of creepy-crawlies into my sons, but..... suffice it to say they have seen me leap about and scream and get all goose-bumpy/ panicky waaaaay too much lately.

I just get all freaked, thinking about my babies sleeping and these beasty beasts sneaking across their small bodies. *DOUBLE cringe* Hopefully my therapeutic grade Purification oil will keep those boogers at bay.

ANYWAY. Have no idea where that rant on pests decided to pop in. It's a gorgeous day. Let's focus on the positive, shall we? I am outside, wearing a skirt, sipping Trader Joe's sweet iced tea, watching Jonah *crawl* and giggle; watching Elijah exert himself in... um, colorful, exuberant?... ways. Boy, that kid is three. Boy, that kid is a boy.

new baking adventures.....?

2011-04-08T06:10:00.009-05:00

I just "popped" over to my friend Lisa's blog and discovered Cake Pops. HOW FUN! She made some cute monkeys for her son's first birthday.

I was thinking of whipping up some o' these: http://www.bakerella.com/spring-chickens/

In preparation for Easter, I am trying to come up with fun, inventive, and healthier options for Easter baskets, and I thought these might fit the bill (eh, maybe not the healthier bill; but definitely the fun and inventive bills, eh?)

early, but hey....

2011-04-08T05:20:00.005-05:00

Here it is, before the crack of dawn. I'm cuddling with Jonah, who awoke around 4AM with a peculiar, persistent cough.

Between snuggles, I thought I would write.

Er, well, post more pictures!

Pictures from this winter.... whoops.

The gorgeous crocheted (knit? Sorry, I cannot tell the difference!) animals my dear blogger friend Mel made for us! A lion (for Elijah, quite fitting) and a jellyfish for Jonah. They are both incredibly adorable!

Heads up, Mel - I want to order some more in the future, for friend's babies. Wild Arbutus still open for business?!!

Elijah, having the two meet :)

HELLOOOOO! AH! I LOVE MY NEW TOYS! THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN! THANKS, MS MEL!

I see dead people. Oh, wait no. That's mama after a rough night of me-no-sleeping. Mwhaha!

Mmmmmm. Ok. Baby or lion? Which is adorable, and which is adora....bler? :)

***

Speaking of adorabler, Jonah just fell asleep in my lap. Not nursing, just snuggled warmly in my arms. As much as I love nursing and him falling asleep while cuddled up close with that comfort, there is something about when he feels comfortable enough (with no boob in mouth) to just drift to sleep, knowing he's safe in the arms of his mama. I mean obviously, I'm his mother; but usually that boob's in his mouth, ya know?! So, for us two to just be here, mutually holding each other, is a rarity and oh so sweet.

I'm going to go.

laundry basket boats: part 2

2011-04-04T14:46:00.011-05:00

Sweet action shot - mischief is a'brewing behind that red hair.

The "I'm-so-happy-and-excited-I-just-might-fill-my-diaper" face.

The "I'm-sweet-as-pie-full-of-sugary-smiley-cuteypie-cuteness" smile.

This is where the feisty one reveals his diabolical plan for his basket-ridden brother.

Elijah proceeded to retrieve every stuffed animal we own and bury his brother.

Smoosh

Double SMOOSH

Little protests

Makin' sure it's nice and snug.

Jonah "yelled" at him for being too rough.

Jonah then began to dig himself out of the fluffy rubble.

Swoosh.

Elijah hurried back to return the dumped animals.

.... And Jonah took them out.... again....

Elijah *insisted* the animals stay in the basket! "No, Jonah! Keep. Them. IN!"

Jonah was such a good sport.

Such a patient, good, good sport.

laundry basket boats: part 1

2011-03-26T00:37:00.001-05:00

elijah

2011-03-18T22:33:00.006-05:00

1. On three different occasions now, Elijah has taken guests on a tour of our apartment, showing them such wonders as: mama and daddy's disheveled bed, the refrigerator "where my apples are", his little toilet... AND a full-on demonstration of how he can go potty on said little toilet...........

2. Elijah has used a regular cup for a little more than a year now, but he still requests to take a training cup to his bedside at night. Sometimes it contains milk, sometimes water. Either way, he doesn't fall asleep with it in his mouth, but just likes to hold it and take small sips from it while we read our stories and sing our night songs. I never thought it was a huge deal, but I've received some flack recently and therefore have considered fully weaning him off it. In the end, he really doesn't need it.

Anyway, we were at the clinic yesterday, and there was a poster (with pictures) on bottle rot. I, in a subtle attempt to encourage initiation of aforementioned weaning, said to Elijah how "that could happen if ya drink too much milk out of a sippy at night!" It was very nonchalant, and not harped on; just stated like that, and that was that.... or so I thought....

Unfortunately, I think the images of blackened, cracked teeth burned themselves into Elijah's little mind, and that night, when I tried giving him milk (in a REGULAR cup) he freak.ed.out.

"NOOOOOOOOO! It's going to hurt my teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeth! It's makin' me SICK!" *tears* Holy crap. Not the reaction I expected, especially since I thought he paid the poster and my faux-warnings no mind.

So way to go ME for totally traumatizing my child! Yay. Thumbs up. High five.

**Update: he drank milk this morning out of his glass! Yay! No more fear of milk. His rationale: "Jesus'll keep me safe, I don't hafta be afwaid of milk."**

3. He and daddy spent some one-on-one time this past Saturday. They played games, took a walk to the market down the road, and bought some ivory and purple oriental lillies. Elijah carried them to me and said, "I picked these for you, Mama. Make them stay healthy and grow. Not DIE." (Referring to the purple tulips from last week that had graced our table for a month, then naturally withered and passed. He quietly blames me for their demise.)

verily, verily

2011-03-15T09:40:00.005-05:00

Pointless Hospital Rituals

Read it. Unfortunately, I identify with just about *everything* on this post.

(An aside: I just stumbled upon the blog Navelgazing Midwife, which has the same blog background as mine. Yay for diversity ;)

my first concert of 2011

2011-03-12T09:25:00.006-06:00

The Sarah McLachlan concert was won.der.ful.

You know how sometimes the frontperson's voice gets lost amid the instruments and the acoustics and all that? Like, the quality seems to go down a notch compared to the album? Not with Sarah. Her voice was crystalline and strong and lovely. All the instruments blended together so well, too. MMM! Good, good sounds.

The show was unique in that instead of having opening acts, the two background vocalists (who are also amazing instrumentalists and song writers) interjected their own songs throughout Sarah's.

Here's one of the artists, Butterfly Boucher:

And the other, Melissa McClelland:

(She does work with World Vision, and had stated that if you signed up to sponsor a child, you could get her CD for free. So... now, we have three sponsor children. Surprise, Jon! :)

They also had two fun Q&A sessions during the concert. Very awkward... and informative.

All in all, a moving concert experience. I definitely had tears in my eyes at one point.

And yes, she played Adia. And Ice Cream.

(That's a very old video. Scary purple eye shadow. Eke.)

The Riverside Theatre was gorgeous. I had never been there before last night. They are hosting Over the Rhine on April 7.... I just might have to go....

i hope she plays adia...

2011-03-11T14:35:00.005-06:00

Getting to see one of my oldest loved artists tonight....

And I hope she plays this one, too. Greatly touching piece, huh?

Psalm 118:5-12 (the reference scrawled on the woman's door) reads:

Out of my distress I called on the LORD;
the LORD answered me and set me free.
The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The LORD is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.

All nations surrounded me;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off!
They surrounded me, surrounded me on every side;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off!
They surrounded me like bees;
they went out like a fire among thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off!

BLAST from the past!

2011-03-09T14:13:00.005-06:00

For those of you who know my parents, you're only aware of the conservative facade they put forth. But don't you be fooled...

BEHOLD!

They were hellious rebels back in the day... they played in a [GASP] rock band! BUM BUM BUM!

And what's worse? They each had [oh the horror!] MULLETS.

Pretty non-conservative if you ask me.

My dad - dweeb on the left, holding the banjo (he still rocks some pretty mad banjo pickin' skillz)

The band's name was Stillwaters. Hence, the still water and cuffed pant legs.

Dad's the red head with the guitar.

My mother, on left with white blouse - probably about 17 - beltin' out her God-given voice in a BAR - shudder.

This is where *destiny* began to unfold. There's my daddy, strumming on the guitar. If my mom was about 17, he was about 24. They fell in love. How cuuute.

And my mom - gotta be 17 or 18. Hot stuff, right? Aside from those gnarly, reprehensible, straight-leg jeans.

And the poster is so official with its "Dawn of STILLWATERS" hovering at the top.

lent

2011-03-08T23:37:00.004-06:00

I am giving up relying on my own strength to sustain me through the day.

breastfeeding and a good, hearty laugh!

2011-03-08T12:21:00.005-06:00

I stumbled across this PSA about breastfeeding's benefits. Made me laugh a'plenty.

And, oh yeah - informative.

Except now I have Elijah walking around going "whip 'em out! whip 'em out!" Luckily for me, it only sounds like "wicken out!" but still... :)

morning preciousness

2011-03-08T09:06:00.005-06:00

Both boys were in our bed last night.

I woke up early, to do devotionals and drink some tea before Olivia arrived. About five minutes after I awoke, I checked back in our room to make sure the boys were still slumbering. Jonah was out cold, but Elijah had begun to stir. I whispered and asked, "Why don't you come on out, Love?" To which he replied, "No, I'm gonna cuddle some mo'." He then slowly turned toward his brother, and wrapped him in a little embrace.

How precious is that? I love that I have cuddlers!

the natural cesarean

2011-03-07T17:40:00.011-06:00

This is a pretty neat - ahh, who am I kidding? It's a PHENOMENAL - approach to cesareans, if a woman needs to have one.

Check it out!

I love the early implementation of skin-to-skin contact, the "slow" delivery (by which fluid in the lungs is squeezed out - with Elijah, there was too much fluid in his lungs for a while, and they heavily monitored him for that), and the delayed cord-clamping. All good things.

I also love how the doctors in this video seem to be treating the woman as a person, not just surgery waiting to happen. Though I don't feel that I was long-term emotionally scarred by my cesarean, I do know that things were rushed (despite it not being urgent), I was scarcely talked to, and I was immediately labeled as "high risk" from thereon out. No personabilty from my surgeon, which I had craved - hence, me initially getting a midwife.

I mean, look at the doctors in this video, SMILING and carrying on pleasant conversation with the mother, for cryin' out loud! And the mother seems relaxed (well, for someone about to go into major abdominal surgery, anyway :)

The father plays an active part, which is great.

And even though the room and everything is still sterile in the sense that it's clean, the whole operation doesn't seem sterile, you know what I mean? There's not this veil between mother and baby, doctors and mother. It's open and honest, and quite loving, actually.

Bottom line: the approach used in this showcased hospital *needs* to become standardized in America for women who need surgical birth. Period. Exclamation point!

The only thing I wonder is if the "naturalizing" of cesareans might heighten the popularity of elective cesareans...? Even still: this is a much, much better approach than just slicing and dicing, having little to no baby-mother attachment in the first moments, and exhibiting indifferent emotion for the mother's state of mind.

A wee graphic. So proceed with caution, but an open mind! It's pretty cool.

natural childbirth of twins and triplets

2011-03-04T16:46:00.004-06:00

I visited the site Giving Birth Naturally often when I was pregnant with Jonah, wanting to have as natural a birthing experience as possible that second time around. I *love* watching birth videos - something that before having children I would have readily admitted freaked me out. But now, I find it all educating, exhilarating, beautiful.

This is not a birth video, but a compilation of women who, against the odds usually associated with multiple birth, birthed their babies naturally. It's quite incredible. Watch, and be empowered!

babies galore!

2011-03-03T12:14:00.007-06:00

A magnificent blog that I follow - Stand and Deliver - just had her third baby. A baby girl!

(Well, not the blog. I should say the blog's author had her third baby. Blogs can't birth, silly.)

Yay for another wonderful birth, healthy mama and baby!

Maaaan. Getting wrapped up in my friend's pregnancies and births (and by "wrapped up" I mean frickin' excited for!) and the pregnancies and births of people across the world via the blogsphere, I tell ya - I am experiencing the "itch" for another babe. The funny thing is, Jonathan can sense the tone in my voice when I get like this. He can hear it a mile away. He can smell my conniving schemes like a dog can smell a steak buried in the ground.

I start, "Jonathaaaan......." And he turns around and immediately says "NO. Not for another three years."

Silly guy. He's been saying "not for another three years" since right after Jonah's birth. So REALLY, it's like 1 1/2 years more to go..... *diabolical laughter*

things to put smiles on faces

2011-03-01T20:11:00.004-06:00

First off, SHOUT OUT to Melissa! She gave life to her fourth child - her first girl! - and her name is Amarys (gorgeous name, yes?!)!

Yay for babies and mamas and God's beautiful gift of life. How awesome :)

~~~

Secondly. SHOUT OUT to my sweet-as-pie husband and partner Jonathan. He took the boys out for two hours tonight so I could clean the house (which was in utter shambles). While they were out and about, I was also able to: enjoy a looooooong, hot shower (no rushing, and without children screaming in the background), trim and paint my nails, AND just sit and do some meditative breathing.

I also rocked out to Skillet (old school). Good times.

So, an immense thank you to my Jonathan. Thank you for your help, and for not simply deferring child-rearing or house-work to me because I am a woman. Thank you for being sensitive enough to recognize when I've had a rough day and when I need a bit of quiet time. Thank you for pitching in with the dishes and for changing poopy diapers, even after you've worked long days in the office. Thank you for loving me and treating me with dignity, respect, love, and equality. Thank you for treating me well, and as a sister in Christ. I love you.

fun stairs

2011-02-21T10:25:00.002-06:00

How fun! They should do this to all stairs :)

foodie friday on thursday

2011-02-17T09:21:00.001-06:00

I've made these recipes in the last month - all yummy and ridiculously easy!

Cheesy Broccoli Soup

*Two heads of fresh organic broccoli, trimmed and washed
*One box organic vegetable broth (we use the Pacific brand)
*A dash of pepper, sea salt, ground thyme
*GOOD cheese (I found some raw milk cheddar cheese at Trader Joe's. Mmmm mm good)

Super simple, no? Mix everything (but the cheese) into a stock pot, bring to a boil SLOWLY (as to retain as many nutrients possible!) After about 5-8 minutes, do a quick mash with a potato-masher, add a tish of cream or real butter (for richness) and voila. Top with a light bit of cheese.

Ah-mazingly Versatile Curry Chicken!

Yes, this gets an exclamation point because I yielded THREE meals from these bad boys. Exciting stuff.

*Trader Joe's curry chicken tenders (you can make your own, but I was lazy and these looked so tasty in the store! For just under 7 bucks, you get about 10 HONKIN' tenders. It's so so so worth it!)

MEAL ONE - Straight Up Curry

Grill in the oven on medium high heat. They cook fast (15- 20 minutes?) On Saturday, we served a few tenders to ourselves with quinoa, asparagus, and yummy homemade naan with fenugreek.

MEAL TWO - Curried Chicken Salad

I shredded the leftover curry chicken tenders. I mixed the shreddings with a dollop of mayo and some mashed avocado. Spread on some pita bread with organic romaine and roma tomatoes, and ZIP BAM POW a party in your mouth.

MEAL THREE - Curry Pasta Salad

At this point I couldn't believe we still had chicken stuff left! I took the remainder of the curry-chicken-avocado mash and mixed it in with some organic, whole grain fusilli.

My belly was all like, "Are you FO REAL! So good! Give me MOOORE!"

the escapee

2011-02-17T08:19:00.002-06:00

Last weekend, we were in the same hotel as we had been in when this whole rigmarole happened. So it was familiar, and I thought I would write about the experience now.

BAM BAM BAM.

Rinnnnnnnng. Rinnnnnnnnnnng.

"Mmmm, Honey, can you get the door...... or the phone?" I sleepily breathed to my slumbering husband. I thought the clamorous bam-bam-bamming and ring-ring-ringing had been embedded in my dream, but alas: both noises were real... and annoying at 6:30 in the morning.

We were staying in a Minnesotan hotel room, snug and resting quietly with our two young boys.

"What? What the heck?" Jonathan quietly groaned as he turned slowly out of bed and put on a shirt. He reached for the phone, but only had a dial tone by the time he put the receiver to his ear, so he proceeded clumsily to the hotel room door and opened it.

"HI! Daddy!" came an excited, sweet, familiar voice.

Back at the bed, my eyes popped wide open. With a crazy-mother-jolt-of-adrenaline, I flung myself over the side of the large queen bed, disturbing Jonah (who was, thankfully, still where we had left him the previous night!). With only a tank top and skivvies on, I ran to my [silently astonished] husband's side to discover our oldest son, Elijah, in the hallway.... beside the freakin' hotel manager. Through sleepy eyes, I began sobbing. "Hi, Mama!" Elijah joyously greeted, arms outstretched. I picked him up, and hugged him tightly. I heard the manager - a woman in her mid-40s - sigh understandingly. For only a few seconds I knew my child had been lost, and even though he was not lost anymore, I was still shaken.

"What happened!?" I asked, totally confused and scared and thankful and a whole mess of other emotions. Apparently, as the manager explained, someone had called the front desk reporting that there was a small boy (Elijah) on the 4th floor hallway, crying. The manager came up, retrieved him, and brought him to the downstairs office to try and figure out where he belonged. Elijah was scared and indecipherable as he talked with the stranger. Trying to get him to say his name, she introduced herself. "My name is Emily." This jogged something in young Elijah's mind, and he said through blubbering, "Mama's name is Emily." Intrigued, the manager asked what daddy's name was. "Jonathan" came out like "Jonaten" but it was enough to convince the hotel worker that this boy was the product of an "Emily" and "Jonathan". Sure enough, she looked up guests with those names, and voila! parents were found.

CAN YOU EVEN FRICKIN BELIEVE THAT THE MANAGER'S NAME WAS EMILY AND THAT ELIJAH EVEN RECOGNIZED IT WAS MY NAME TOO!??! AND THAT HE KNEW WHAT DADDY'S NAME WAS? THANK YOU, HOLY LORD!! THANK YOU, GUARDIAN ANGELS!

So all the ringing and banging was the hotel trying to say, "Hey, we have your kid. You should probably take him back now....." And finally, after 20 minutes of trying, they got through to us. Obviously, we're very heavy sleepers.

SO. How did our little escapee fly the coop? The dead-bolt unlocked automatically if someone turned the handle, and the door-hook-lock thing that most hotel doors have was right in the middle of the door - not higher up, like it usually is - making it easy as pie for a tall 2-year old to unhinge. Once outside, the door re-locked, and Elijah couldn't get back in, so he wandered down the hall looking for a way to get back. Hence the crying. (AH! I get so misty eyed thinking about my baby wandering down the hallway! Can you imagine what could have happened?!?! Don't worry. I have imagined it all already!)

Why did our little escapee fly the coop? He said he was looking for cereal. Fair enough.

We gushed our thank-yous to the manager. She was kind and gentle. I am neverendingly thankful that the Good Lord had Elijah run into her and not someone who was mean or hurtful. Or that the police weren't called. Or that Elijah wasn't harmed. Oh SO thankful! From now, we barricade our hotel room doors. I am all for free-range kids, but toddlers getting locked out of hotel rooms while their parents sleep is not cool. Not. Cool.

v-day

2011-02-14T21:56:00.001-06:00

My beloved and I have been together for 8 years (married for almost 4 1/2) and can you believe - we've never really celebrated Valentine's Day. We made a pact never to do something overly hokey or cliche-romantic, though in recent years we've made it tradition to find the most hilarious, gaudy, over-the-top cards we could find. Just for kicks. I have some good 'uns in my scrapbook.

Anyway.

Today was really no exception - except that Jonathan did bring me a sweet bunch of bright yellow and mauve tulips (perfect for brightening our neutral kitchen!). We stayed home with our little ones, ate homemade cheesy broccoli soup and garlic baguettes. I tried my hand at basic creme brulee (for my birthday, Jonathan had given me a creme brulee cookbook... and a TORCH... awesome, right?!) It turned out lovely.

Now, though the house is pretty disheveled, I am thinking "sleepy time." I can always clean tomorrow.

absentee

2011-02-14T13:27:00.007-06:00

I have had a few people question my excessively quiet blog. To help put the people's minds at ease:

1. No, I have not passed into the nether-realms . I am alive and well! Hence, me writing this post.

2. No, I am not sleep-deprived. On the contrary, I have been sleeping like a baby. And for that, so have my babies.

3. No, I have not been too crazy busy (just normal crazy busy) - living life, and trying not to scurry to the computer after every cool thing happens to me. As if.

***

I have been taking pictures and writing more in my private journal and the boy's scrapbooks (finally!). I have been enjoying gorgeous sunshine during the day, and burning candles during the cold evenings. I have been baking, having sleepovers, celebrating birthdays (Elijah's in particular - we celebrated with a watermelon, per his request. Pictures to come - plus the remainder of his birth story! And Jonah's! AGH!).

I have been learning about essential oils, reading about birth, traveling the globe erm, the midwest, cleaning houses.... watching the Packers dominate the Superbowl (holla back!).

I have been nursing. A lot. Could someone please tell my 14-month old that he really doesn't *need* to nurse every two hours? I kid, I kid... sort of. Another persistent question that I might as well address right now since it's along these lines: how long am I going to nurse? As long as J wants, people. Plain and simple (though I am hoping for at least two more years, when he's three).

Anyway. Meandering back from the rabbit trail....

I found an organic farm from which to purchase meaty meats: K T Organic Farm in Kewauskum. Yay for organic meat! ALSO, Kewauskum has a confectionery called The Candy Tree. Yay for saccharine that rots my teeth! Talk about a swinging pendulum. I'm liking the small village of Kewauskum - it's about 10 minutes due north of our little abode. It's quaint, and very Podunk, but hitting the mark on cool farms/ shops where I can purchase quality foodstuffs. I'll settle for cute and Podunk.

I have been reading my Bible more. Win, win, win. Consequently, I have felt more at peace about stuff (vague, much?) I will elaborate in future posts (you know, the ones I have promised to write a million billion years ago?)

I have been painting with Elijah a lot. He received beautiful paints for his birthday, and we have been lean-green-painting-machines ever since. Our fridge has never looked so stylish.

I have baked *cough*cough*one* loaf of bread *cough*cough* BAKING BREAD IS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT! Maybe I am just inept in the bread makin' arena, but seriously. Methinks I need one of those awesome (expensive) stand mixers to streamline this whole process. And an oven that doesn't have cold spots. And I need patience, because I always take the loaves out too soon and want to cut into them right away. Tisk tisk. Groan.

I did learn a super easy recipe for pita bread from my dear friend Tracy when she, her husband, and their brood (twins boys Elijah's age, one girl Jonah's age) stayed with us all of last week (YES. NINE people in one teeny weeny apartment for five days. CA-RAZY. But fun. I think our downstairs neighbor hates us.) Anyway - yummy, quick, inexpensive. Pita bread, I love thee.

Still have not found the infernal camera cord thingy. So many pictures on my camera that it should be illegal. Someday, they were flow with unabashed fervor onto my blog.

Sorry, trying to sound poetic.

AnYwAy.

Boys are awake from their naps, and Elijah wants "somefin to eeeet."

Will. Write. Again. Soon.

on becoming a mother part 2 (late!)

2011-01-26T09:12:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I.... woke up at 6, drove Elijah to our neighbor's, dropped Jon off at work in Pewaukee, took Jonah to a (three hour long) appointment at the geneticist in Milwaukee, drove back to West Bend to get Elijah, went to the store to get fruit and a chicken salad, immediately drove to Random Lake (ate in the car), arrived at Mija's house, cleaned Mija's house/ not really, because I was making sure Elijah wasn't ruining Calvin's Legos, drove from Mija's house straight down to Pewaukee (an hour drive), picked Jonathan up from work, convinced him we should eat at Panera because I was tired and famished, drove back home, and *crashed* at 9. In less than 10 hours, I spanned four different counties, spent half a tank of gas, ran 10 flights of stairs, and twisted my wrist (again in one week!), and - though I did not have Olivia - probably changed 12 poopy diapers. WHEW. Exhausting.

So ALL THAT to say... I am behind (again) on birthday posts! WAHHH!

ALSO. I had this post halfway done, and when I went to check in my "edit posts" folder, it was no where to be found. Drat. Gotta start over. This won't be as articulate - sorry :)

It was a cold, cold morning. January 24. I remember going outside, and being blinded by how bright the earth was, from the sunlight on the snow and icicles.

We arrived to the hospital, where I met my midwife.

I was directed to my room: undress, pee, lie down, ultrasound.... baby still breech.

The external cephalic version failed after 3, 4, 5 attempts. My belly was terribly misshapen, beads of sweat were rolling down Dr. L's cheek - suffice it to say he tried his best. But seriously - this was my first baby, over 9 lbs, head high in my ribs. My bag of waters was still intact, and I had not experienced *one* contraction.... and (a resounding DUH) I was week before due. Ack. I was stuck. No one to speak for me, and I was not as educated on breech and "necessary" cesareans as I should have been.

Thus: change, prep, anesthetize, roll, slam, slice, squirt, pull, plop.... the time was 12:21pm.

As disappointed as I was (or would become), there was my astounding little red-head - Elijah Steven in all his 9# 8 oz glory. Crying heartily. Plump and healthfully pigmented and - "Wow, look at that red hair!" I remember crying myself, smiling, so relieved he was there. Then, I remember getting shaky and I could feel the doctors inside of my core. I told the anesthesiologist, and he did whatever he did to make me wholly numb again. Whew. That was the only time I felt anything during my section.

Thankfully, I was physically able to (not to mention mentally and emotionally needing to) hold my child as we wheeled down to the recovery ward. I spent a drug-hazed hour there, resting a bit, watching Jonathan awkwardly hold his new son.... getting a sponge bath by two nurses. I tell ya, I felt like a lifeless beached whale. I was still completely numb and they just swept in, hosed me down. Weird. Slightly degrading, as they just kept talking about "this woman who had a baby" and "that woman who had a baby." Every baby is the same. And it's no big deal that we just cut yours out of you....

Then, finally, I got wheeled back up to my own quiet room.

Elijah and I began breastfeeding within the next hour or so, slowly getting the hang of it. We did lots of skin to skin. I rested, baby on my chest, or nursing next to me.

Six hours later, I had my legs flung over the side of the bed, putting light pressure on my feet. The floor felt so distant and cold, as sensation gradually flooded back into my lower extremities. My body felt like it had been torn in two, and then taped back together by a preschooler. Like a paranoid android, I kept asking the nurse if I would tear the incision open. "Oh my GOSH, I'm going to tear open!..... Will I tear open?..... I'm going to @$!(&$! TEAR OPEN!" Not cool.

You know what was cool though? The first shower I took. I stayed in that thing for an hour, soaking, praying, rocking back and forth, and trying to get used to being on my feet. I felt so clean. In the bathroom, I looked at my scar in the mirror, hesitantly, and thought Well, it's kinda like a tattoo, I suppose. Really, it was ghastly and ugly and painful to even look at. It was small, but colored dark, scary crimson from scabbed blood. I touched it, lightly. Damn, a week ago I didn't even think *this* would happen.

I sucked it up, for lack of better phrases. I slowly shuffled back into bed, held my baby more. Happy, happy birthday, my precious Elijah. It felt so surreal that he was there, outside of my belly. He stayed in our room all the time we were there, swaddled and sleeping either in someone's arms or in his plastic bassinet.

So many lovely people came to visit: grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends.

We left three days later...

..

on becoming a mother part 1

2011-01-23T16:46:00.020-06:00

Last belly picture, taken January 23, 2008. Elijah would be in my arms in less than 15 hours!

In addition to Jonah's birthday posts (which I should have posted last month), I want to write about Elijah's birthday - my birthing day - three years ago. So get ready for a couple posts full of pictures and reflections :)

Exactly three years ago, Jonathan and I were enjoying our last dinner as a childless couple. The next morning I would go into the hospital, my sweet breech baby in belly, and have an attempted external cephalic version. I had little idea of what would transpire over that next day, but I was certain of one thing: I would be snuggling my first child.

I was excited, but anxious. I had wanted a natural home birth, but my midwife mistakenly insisted that since my baby was breech I give birth sooner rather than later. The external cephalic version was going to happen. If it had been successful, I would've been induced, labored and birthed. If the version was unsuccessful (and, obviously... it was) I would be whisked in for a c-section.

I want to write about why I think this logic was bass ackwards, and I will - but at another time.

I had my bag and Elijah's bag packed (complete with his green and orange "coming home" outfit). That night, after our dinner, I took a hot, hot shower. I wiggled about to paint my toenails. I finished up a couple meals for the following week. Jonathan and I hunkered down and watched Once. To this day whenever I watch that movie, I feel how I felt that night - nostalgic, hopeful, peaceful, yet wondering.

I crawled into bed fairly early and slept soundly.

It's hard to believe this was all only three years ago.

hem HAW

2011-01-22T15:32:00.005-06:00

I cannot begin to tell you how many posts I have started and have yet to publish (ok, I can tell you - 9).

I have one started on abortion, one on my faith, one on labels, one on when Elijah escaped from our MN hotel room, one on doula stuff, one on foodie Friday, one on positivity, one on Jonah's birthday (from LAST MONTH!!), and one on the lady I clean houses for.

Aye, aye. I want to finish these posts! What is my hair-brained prob, people? Ok. I am not allowed to blog about anything else until I publish posts on the aforementioned topics. Alright? Kapish?

Ok. FOR NOW. A headache is at hand. I am going to sniff some peppermint oil, heat up my rice heating bag, drink some tea, and hit the hay.

Nite.

past week updates, bullet-style

2011-01-21T11:11:00.017-06:00

*I watched Olivia from 6:45a to 4:15p every day this past week (except today). That girl is a bright ray of sunlight, I do declare. She is *freakishly* strong for a 5 month old - I am willing to place money on her walking in the next month or two. No joke. She has an adorable smile, pretty dark hair, and quite the voice. This is one woman who won't be told to shhhh. Fo sho. We played and napped and ate together. What a precious Olive. Can't wait to hold and nurse and snuggle my own little Naomi Sage someday...!

*I baked with Elijah - coconut cookies for our neighbors to the left, peanut butter cookies for our neighbors to the bottom right, and blueberry muffins for ourselves. Our entire apartment smelled like a bakery. The kitchen was a colossal mess for two days straight, but it was fun! Even the spilled three cups of whole wheat flour on the floor was tolerable. Ha.

*I made it a point to get outside before the reported cold front moved in (and sure enough, it's a "balmy" -4.7 degrees outside today. BEFORE windchill. Holy crap.) Anyway, the boys and I went outside Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, after Olivia had been picked up. The fresh air was grrrreat, and we were blessed enough to enjoy some good ol' vitamin D! Yay, sunshine! SO THERE, seasonal affect disorder. Put that in your crack pipe and SMOKE IT. There simply is no better feeling than that of warm sunlight on your cheeks after you've been holed up in a gray apartment for a couple weeks straight. Am I right?

*The boys and I found various animal prints in the snow: rabbit, cat, squirrel. I really wanted to see some deer, since our neighbors said they spotted a couple a few weeks back. No deer for us. We'll keep looking. Elijah suggested we make deer noises. When I asked him what sound a deer made, he emitted a sound crossed between a whale and a horse. AhBrrrrr, waHOOO, something like that. I laughed pretty hard.

*Elijah "threw" "snowballs" (more like touched the snow with his gloved hand, and tried to shake the snow off in my direction). I shoveled the pathway that leads to our door and our downstairs neighbor's door (it's difficult to shovel with a baby worn in the front, so really I just scooted the snow to the side). Elijah "sledded" on an old cookie sheet (more like sat on the cookie sheet while I kicked him - gently - around. Again, baby worn in front was not wise for agility!)

*Elijah looks hilarious in his snow pants - like a cerulean Micheline Man. He would fall down, or walk into too deep snow, and BELLOW about how he couldn't move. More laughing on my end. I have pictures, which I will post as soon as I can find the stinkin' camera cord (I reorganized our tech bins last week, and can't find anything anymore... arg).

*Jonah is getting so big and strong - sitting, and wanting so badly to crawl (!!!!) but the strength isn't quite there yet. He'll get it. He is definitely saying "mama" and "daddy" and "up" and "ball" and "clap" and "lijah". And he eats like a race horse - anything and everything. Blueberries, avocados, banana, hummus, eggs, and - erm... - cardboard top the list.

*We played with Eco-dough, which I gave Elijah as an early birthday present. I can't believe he's going to be three in four days...

*I've been trying to discipline myself in waking earlier - about 5:30 - so I can have personal quiet time, and get back into a yoga routine. I haven't attempted yoga since I first found out I was pregnant with Jonah, and then it quickly fell by the wayside. It feels good to get back into some physical routine.

*I scored a Pier 1 gift card for Christmas. I have not been in that store for years, but I thought the gift card was excuse enough to go and buy some nice new things. I picked up eight pretty cherry-colored cloth napkins, four porcelain ramekins, and a mother load of candles - lightly scented, unscented, votives, tea lights. I hit the jackpot with some grapefruit scented votives that were on sale for 10 CENTS each. Cha-ching. I'm usually not a fan of fruity smelling things, but the grapefruit candles are airy and soft, not over-powering. Plus, citrus is supposed to have a happying effect on the spirit. So, I bought 20 of them. They are in my kitchen.

*So, that's all I have right now. I'll be cleaning Mija's in the morning. Love and light.

thoughts on unschooling

2011-01-18T23:12:00.001-06:00

"I am beginning to suspect all elaborate and special systems of education. They seem to me to be built upon the supposition that every child is a kind of idiot who must be taught to think. Whereas, if the child is left to himself, he will think more and better, if less showily. Let him go and come freely, let him touch real things and combine his impressions for himself, instead of sitting indoors at a little round table, while a sweet-voiced teacher suggests that he build a stone wall with his wooden blocks, or make a rainbow out of strips of coloured paper, or plant straw trees in bead flower-pots. Such teaching fills the mind with artificial associations that must be got rid of, before the child can develop independent ideas out of actual experience." -- Anne Sullivan

a little bit of wintry blues

2011-01-17T11:59:00.009-06:00

I need to stop saying "son of a gun" and "shoot" in front of Elijah. Sure, these words are not the most heinous of words strung together, but coming out of a two year old's mouth is a little jarring.....

Anyway. Would you believe all three children are asleep right now?

*Hallelujah chorus-lights beaming from heaven-angels descending*

Actually, the view outside is quite drab - dull, cloudy, and very, very snowy. No ethereal light. No angels. Just tons of snow, and biting cold. Ah, January in Wisconsin... I am certainly feeling the cabin fever these days! Though some might say I get out (like, to church, or Bible study, or the occasional grocery store run after the boys are down for the night) I really, really, REALLY wish I could GET OUT. Like right now, if I wanted to. Go for a walk. Go to a friend's house. Take the trash out, for Pete's sake. But winter with children spells out "home bound" for most in my shoes.

Mothers have to get so in tune with their creativity come winter. Crafts. Baking. Cooking. Games. Music. Movies (I guess those are more reserved for the lack-of-creativity-moments, huh? :) It is not only a good idea but crucial to have a well-stocked arsenal of stuff to do. It keeps the mother active, and stimulates the children in positive ways.

Even still, with a well-stocked arsenal of doin's, it would be exceedingly splendid to have a well-stocked arsenal of energy so that those doin's could actually get did... er, done. And I have pretty good energy to begin with! It's those beautiful children who have ceaseless energy - who could dance and draw and sing and build forts all day, every day - and they DO, mama in tow or not.

So... I don't know what I'm trying to say! I wish the snow and bitter cold would stop, so I could strap the two babies to my back, bundle up Elijah, and go build a snow fort or throw snowballs. Then, we could walk to the store down the road and get hot chocolate...

Man. This is tough season. Literally and figuratively.

what will they think of next?

2011-01-13T09:02:00.003-06:00

These are so beautiful! Get this: mother dolls, who BIRTH and BREASTFEED their own baby dolls! WHAT A HOOT!

This would be so beneficial to the education of children, especially children who are expecting a sibling. I could even see myself playing with them, actually....

Aren't they gorgeous? Though, I must admit, I laughed out loud when I saw how they "give birth". But I guess.

The lady/ ladies who brought this idea to life are awesomely creative.

*unmarked graves where flowers grow*